The Big Wheel of Wanker Weed

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With Republicans formerly most famous for privatizing jails to profit off imprisoning pot smokers now running after jobs in the pot industry as fast as Trump chasing after a piss-laden prostitute in Saint Petersburg, pot will be legal before you know it. Continue reading

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What’s Really Going On.

To my fellow Americans.  Actual people I know, as well as those of you who appear real to me by virtue of your social media signatures, take note.

Trump colluded with the Russians, using sophisticated marketing analysis of data obtained from Facebook to Soviet mind-f#ck tens of millions of Americans into voting for him.

It would probably have been 100 percent legal if he hadn’t employed the services of Russian hackers and saboteurs which is what really pisses him off.  He thinks he can hire and fire ANYBODY he dam well pleases dontchaknow?

It was effective with at least some small percent of the most gullible among us.  They’re not hard to spot.  It’s like a sad remake of the Heaven’s Gate “Away Team“.

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The Lazy Boyz Brigade (with Sean Hannity reprising the role of Marshall Applewhite), are eager to fall into full recline, consume the tainted Trump Steaks, tie a plastic bag full of Hillary’s stolen emails over their heads and then cover themselves with a purple MAGA blanket in anticipation of arrival at the Spaceship TruckNutz hiding behind the  Comet Hale-Bopp. where they will be be awarded with fifty virgin AR-15’s.

Having conclusively established evidence that you can fool some percent of the people all the time I still contend that Trump’s base numbers are as heavily inflated as both his ego and girth.

We’re being led to believe that Trump couldn’t shake off his supposed 33 percent of ‘core Republican supporters” even if he dug up the corpse of Reagan and shat all over it in a live pay per view TrumpTV event while Stormy Daniels, suspended from above, rained copious amounts of piss on his mangled mandarin mange.  And in an odd ‘Oh, by the way, which one’s Pink?” moment, his most solid support is reported to be among the most pious?

The acquisition of the data may very well have been a standard marketing transaction.  Selling your digital soul is what Facebook does that allows them to offer such fantastic ‘free’ services.

It’s all a part of that pesky Facebook TOS agreement being as least as difficult a legal quagmire as Trump’s side-whore confidentiality agreements.

Scientific application of that data, available to those with budgets far less grandiose and slightly less subversive than that of Soviet statecraft, can dramatically alter perceptions in ways that are academically demonstrable.

How in the bloody hell do you think diamonds became a girl’s best friend?

If you think Trump’s use of “FAKE” everything isn’t a calculated part of his Soviet funded propaganda campaign to overthrow America you probably already own the box set of purple MAGA blankets located amidst the stacks of old newspapers you’ve been hoarding since the late 1940’s.

The ginned up perception of Trump’s unflinching solid base of support is as fake as tits on a pumpkin.  It’s another ‘crowd size’ delusion being perpetrated by the ONGOING and unaddressed attack on reality being perpetrated by the Soviet state.

These aren’t just the opinions of a modern day prophet living in his van up in the high mountain meadows, these are mainstream, four star general, certified American hero patriot facts. 

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Dear Donnie, you can’t pretend to support the troops while simultaneously shatting all over them (with Stormy Daniels suspended from above, pissing all over you..duh)  and get away without consequence, unless you are Putin on a display of epic treason.

About time Bobbie Brass Balls #Mueller puts the kibosh on all this IMHO.

Enjoy.

TrumpTV Ratings Disaster

How long before the FBI or the CIA cancel the unabashedly unpopular and horrifyingly vulgar new TV reality series, “Orange is the New Moscow”?

It’d be nice to think that maybe Congress and the Senate could get together for about a five minute confab and clear this overly bronzed Bozo out of the Green Room once and for all but even the good weed out here in the high mountain meadows hasn’t yet managed to make me that optimistic.  (I’ll keep working on it though.  You can be dam sure of that.)

Congress can’t act because as we’ve all witnessed with our own two eyes, every high ranking Republican with the will and a woody must have taken a free trip to Russia for some of that sweet Saint Petersburg poontang.  Putin’s got them all trapped in some sort of piss parade.

The Russians could drop the X-rated hit “Raining Republicans” onto Netflix, charge five bucks a view, and rebuild the entire Russian Empire on the returns from that alone.

Imagine Vlad, shouting out “They will pay for all our walls!” to an enchanted Russian cocktail audience of oligarchs, as Papadopoulos, Manafort and Carter Page tip wine glasses to each other in the midst of that sordid soiree.

Meanwhile, Trump is dancing around Twitter as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

Benghazi we loved you!, but Witch Hunt and Fake News are trying to stuff Hillary’s hacked Russian emails into the nutsack of a 300 pound fat man living in his mom’s basement.

The fifteen Russian hackers already living there are seriously short on space because of all the file cabinets stuffed with Trump’s confidentiality agreements hidden behind the left nut.  There’s political gold in the situational comedy opportunities presented right there that have been squandered because of the ineptitude of Trump’s disorganization.

Ratings in the toilet.  Totally ineffective public relations and advertising strategies.

The whole idea of having critics (and potential witnesses) of the series strangled and poisoned by nerve gas has not provided the intended ratings boost to stop the Orange slide.

Cancel the dam show!!  It’s way too derivative of James Bond and Caligula, and I’m going to have to check, but I’m relatively certain the Simpsons already did it.  This is your crazy grandpa.  This is your crazy grandpa on Twitter.  This is your crazy grandpa on Twitter with the nuclear button by his bedside and the FBI about to break into a fat man’s nutsack.

Sleep well America and hope that Uncle Bobbie can wrestle the button away from the Mandarin Colored Muscovite before he blows us all to Hell and back.

Enjoy.

 

 

Exodus Update

Changes in Attitude

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Today is the day after me and Bandit were planning to head west to Colorado on a seventy day forced march from our outpost here in Oklahoma.  Among those closest to me (and who chose to make their opinions known) there was an overwhelming amount of fear and trepidation about the course of action I had planned.

I thoroughly understand their many reservations and fears because I share (and shoulder) all of them.

The only difference between them and me is that their choices in life haven’t been narrowed thru circumstance and the fickle hand of fate so close to the event horizon of disaster as mine have.

Changes in Latitude

For Fundamentalist Christians wishing this Godless heathen continued pain and suffering, I have some rather bad news:

I have been showered with blessings yet once again in what can ONLY be described as a certified miracle of secularism.

I shall refrain from boring you all with the happy details at the present time. Suffice to say that it involves an offer of employment and an abode for me and Bandit to reside. It’s not the Hollywood Hilton but it’s straight up out of a Hollywood blockbuster movie the way it is all working out for us.

The Struggle is Real

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We could still use a couple dollars in the collection plate to help smooth the transition if you’re so inclined. I can ALMOST guarantee that you’ll get back multiple times the amount of any donation you make towards helping me and Bandit get a head start in the form of positive karma. After all, dog is God spelled backwards.

Baby Back Ribs are Back!

Religion Poisons Everything

The application of this new Indiana religious “freedom” law has inspired every religious lunatic in the nation.

Free Bird Indiana

Outside the happy coincidence that the marijuana activists are claiming the religious freedom to go Tommy Chong all over the state, there is a darker side to the story.

Dominionists and Christian Reconstructionists are about to find out that the law of unintended consequences might well despoil their jubilant gay bashing. God may or may not hate “teh gay”, but Satanists, (and Scientologists (?)  are known to love roasted babies.

Hell on Earth

Now that we’ve all seen the turmoil unleashed by those crazy Indiana politicians so addicted to tongue kissing Jeebus (at least on my Facebook feed),  it’s probably time to take note of the upcoming Baby Back Barbecue party being arranged for the 4th of July Celebration in Indianapolis by the Satanist Church of the Devil.

Satanist Barbecue

It’s being billed as a “Bring Your Own Barbecue Sauce” event and is expected to draw hungry Satanists from all over the nation.  Godless heathens are to be advised that the event could sell out very quickly so if you crave the succulent taste of burnt baby flesh your best bet is to book the event now.  Children’s tickets heavily discounted.

Enjoy.