TrumpTV Ratings Disaster

How long before the FBI or the CIA cancel the unabashedly unpopular and horrifyingly vulgar new TV reality series, “Orange is the New Moscow”?

It’d be nice to think that maybe Congress and the Senate could get together for about a five minute confab and clear this overly bronzed Bozo out of the Green Room once and for all but even the good weed out here in the high mountain meadows hasn’t yet managed to make me that optimistic.  (I’ll keep working on it though.  You can be dam sure of that.)

Congress can’t act because as we’ve all witnessed with our own two eyes, every high ranking Republican with the will and a woody must have taken a free trip to Russia for some of that sweet Saint Petersburg poontang.  Putin’s got them all trapped in some sort of piss parade.

The Russians could drop the X-rated hit “Raining Republicans” onto Netflix, charge five bucks a view, and rebuild the entire Russian Empire on the returns from that alone.

Imagine Vlad, shouting out “They will pay for all our walls!” to an enchanted Russian cocktail audience of oligarchs, as Papadopoulos, Manafort and Carter Page tip wine glasses to each other in the midst of that sordid soiree.

Meanwhile, Trump is dancing around Twitter as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

Benghazi we loved you!, but Witch Hunt and Fake News are trying to stuff Hillary’s hacked Russian emails into the nutsack of a 300 pound fat man living in his mom’s basement.

The fifteen Russian hackers already living there are seriously short on space because of all the file cabinets stuffed with Trump’s confidentiality agreements hidden behind the left nut.  There’s political gold in the situational comedy opportunities presented right there that have been squandered because of the ineptitude of Trump’s disorganization.

Ratings in the toilet.  Totally ineffective public relations and advertising strategies.

The whole idea of having critics (and potential witnesses) of the series strangled and poisoned by nerve gas has not provided the intended ratings boost to stop the Orange slide.

Cancel the dam show!!  It’s way too derivative of James Bond and Caligula, and I’m going to have to check, but I’m relatively certain the Simpsons already did it.  This is your crazy grandpa.  This is your crazy grandpa on Twitter.  This is your crazy grandpa on Twitter with the nuclear button by his bedside and the FBI about to break into a fat man’s nutsack.

Sleep well America and hope that Uncle Bobbie can wrestle the button away from the Mandarin Colored Muscovite before he blows us all to Hell and back.




The Other O.J.

Clarence Thomas, high profile Black runningback Supreme Court justice, is finding out that when you get away with a felony, it’s best not to write a book about it, it’s better if your White wife doesn’t decide to flaunt your “innocence” decades after leaving the scene of the crime.  If I were Mrs. Thomas I’d be nervous.  We’ve all seen what can happen when an angry Black man gets upset with his Anglo wife.

Thanks to the arrogant (desperate?) actions of Ginni Thomas dropping a bloody glove voicemail to Anita Hill (requesting an apology for her 1991 testimony), all eyes are on Clarence Thomas.  Back in those halcyon days of pre-911 yore, back when his Senate confirmation hung on what amounted to “he said – she said” testimony,  he was ultimately confirmed by a narrow margin (52-48).

There’s plenty of new information that Clarence Thomas lied his way onto the Supreme Court.   Specifically, that he engaged in sexual harassment of coworkers….and then lied about it under oath. An eye witness of impeccable credentials has finally broken her silence.  Seemingly unaware of the danger she faces by making her testimony public, Clarence Thomas’ old girlfriend is telling all and the glove definitely fits!.

We could use another slow motion Bronco chase amusing distraction to keep our minds occupied.  I’m not suggesting a low or high-tech lynching of Clarence Thomas, just his immediate impeachment.  I want to watch the testimony on C-SPAN during the day, and then see John Stewart rip on it later that night.  Did I mention that it’s got porno?  There’s even some pubic hair  (a retro throwback adding authenticity) involved! And tits.  Everybody loves tits.

Watching the impeachment and listening to the lurid sexual details of Clarence Thomas will be fabulous!  Titillating television.  His former girlfriend is as unashamed of her sexual exploits as she is apologetic for her extended silence.  Get her on the stand and under oath.  We’ll be whisked back to a time about halfway between today and the era of Mad Men.  A time when you could no longer drink at work, but many men still felt free to make a positive comment regarding the size and structural arrangement of a woman’s tits.  Back when sexual innuendo and double entendre weren’t yet relegated solely to sitcoms like Three’s Company.  Ah, the good old days.

Speaking of Mad Men, the season is over and we could use something like a Clarence Thomas impeachment hearing to keep our attention off war, wiki and banksters!  Tea Party candidates will finally have a legitimate reason to starch up their robes and hoods support the Constitution.  Birthers will finally get a certified American Black man citizen to slap around!!  Progressives literally loathe the guy.  I love the smell of bipartisanship in the morning.

On a practical note, there’s a lot of unemployed people and not many jobs.  It’s only fair that the government and media DO THEIR JOB and offer us this salacious sexual tale token lesson on the rule of law in our society.  If Thomas had tortured someone I could understand the necessity of protecting him at any cost, but as history has shown, if you don’t nip these lying sexual perverts in the bud, they will continue supporting Democratic candidates destroying the nation.  My message to Congress:  The pubic hair is on the rim of the Coke Can.  You know what to do with it.