Baby Back Ribs are Back!

Religion Poisons Everything

The application of this new Indiana religious “freedom” law has inspired every religious lunatic in the nation.

Outside the happy coincidence that the marijuana activists are claiming the religious freedom to go Tommy Chong all over the state, there is a darker side to the story.

Dominionists and Christian Reconstructionists are about to find out that the law of unintended consequences might well despoil their jubilant gay bashing. God may or may not hate “teh gay”, but Satanists, (and Scientologists (?)  are known to love roasted babies.

Hell on Earth

Now that we’ve all seen the turmoil unleashed by those crazy Indiana politicians so addicted to tongue kissing Jeebus (at least on my Facebook feed),  it’s probably time to take note of the upcoming Baby Back Barbecue party being arranged for the 4th of July Celebration in Indianapolis by the Satanist Church of the Devil.

It’s being billed as a “Bring Your Own Barbecue Sauce” event and is expected to draw hungry Satanists from all over the nation.  Godless heathens are to be advised that the event could sell out very quickly so if you crave the succulent taste of burnt baby flesh your best bet is to book the event now.  Children’s tickets heavily discounted.

Enjoy.

Pig Parts Makes Woman Porkable

A woman whose vagina was too tight got it fixed with the help of some pig intestines and a tiny chain link fence.  Details.

On Faith

Debating God Slobberers

Long before they go cosmological or ontological on you, there’s this bit of pablum you have to wade through with almost all of your run-of-the-mill God slobberers.   Here’s the short list of the debating tactics of those on the religious short bus and how to deal with them:

The Gob Slobberer Starter Toolkit

1. You are mad at/hate God.
2. You wish to masturbate (more enthusiastically?) without oversight. (Masturbation just manages to squeeze out “practice homosexuality” as the ‘go-to sin” above the Mason-Dixon line).
3. You are lashing out at “the church” because (e.g.) a priest masturbated you a little too enthusiastically or you had some other negative experience at church.
4. You haven’t looked for God in the right places.

The Skeptics Responses

1.  I wish there was a God to be mad at but since that’s s a fantasy of yours I don’t share I’m going to have to hold you personally responsible for all the chowder-headed nonsense you’re spewing and the damage that occurs as a result.

2.  I do the best I can not to embarrass the ghost of Oscar Wilde.

3.  The soft hand of a Catholic priest would have been a Godsend in lieu of the total subjugation of my mind which was attempted in order to help me find comfort in the patently ridiculous notions being promulgated by mindless goobers like you.

4.  I looked everywhere for God as a child, but it was all to no avail. Were the father, son and holy ghost all too busy for for my toast?   Upon puberty it finally hit me.  Vaginas seemed the likeliest hideout for God that I hadn’t already searched in my youth.  Checked a bunch….nada God there..

I’ll keep looking to broaden the sample size but I’m skeptical I’ll find anything other than an echo in even the largest of vaginas.

Maybe God is too ashamed to show his face after looking around and seeing what a horrible job he did in the first place.  That’s a distinct possibility and the one I’d run up the flagpole if I was a master goober in religious apologetics.

Enjoy.

Listicles

The trend to put everything in a click-bait listicle has led to the invention of the word itself.

Would it be too much to ask for a listicle of the doctors who scientifically decided exactly how hard we could physically abuse prisoners-of-war?

Did they strap an iPhone onto the prisoners and capture the data on a “health and fitness” app as they bounced them off the walls?

I dunno, but it seems kinda ‘war crime’ish” to me and I want to avoid those doctors who engaged in this type of medicine in any case.  Who has the list? Is it left for me to come up with a listicle of listicles that have been overlooked for far too long?

Enjoy.

Porn and Potato Chips

It started out innocently enough.  I just asked myself “I wonder who invented the modern potato chip” and here’s what happened next:

A Kettle Cooked Porn and Potato Chip History Lesson

 It occurred to me that there’s almost nothing more popular in late 20th century Americana than porn and potato chips.  In case you hadn’t heard, an independent study just confirmed that “porn and potato chips” are currently more than twice as popular as “mom and apple pie!“

Documentation in support of this shocking announcement below the fold.