Inside the Revitalize America Act

To stave off what they know is an increasing public relations disaster (for Jeebus in general and Republicans in particular) there are gathering whispers that the Republicans are going to offer up a more modest proposal on immigration, the patriotically titled (Duh!)  Revitalize America Act.

An Overview

The Act proposes to thrust open our southern borders to all the helpless and struggling children of this hemisphere who wish to be relocated to ‘shelters’ in Mississippi, Arizona or Florida, states long known for their hospitality, temperate environments and deep cultural connections (to such well respected national icons as Nathan Bedford Forrest, Jeb Bush and “Good Ole” Sheriff Joe Arpaio).

In these proposed immigrant oases, the children will receive the security they desperately seek, learn valuable life skills, be provided a life sustaining diet and receive regular measured exercise. The icing on the cake is that every welcomed child immigrant will get a front row seat to the dazzling miracle that is unrestrained US corporate capitalism.

One Lucky Company

Those are the claims on the front of the slickly produced media kits being offered up by the co-sponsor of this Republican plan, Freedomslaves, a think-tank funded by humanitarians at the Corrections Corporation of America as acknowledged in the tri-fold brochure’s very last fold.  This Corrections Corporation of America apparently has considerable expertise in correcting bad “human resource situations”  and is known to have a successful history in the agile construction of facilities featuring the very type of secure housing necessary to make these new immigrants feel safe in their new land.  Talk about being in the right place at the right time!

Chicago’s application for an immigrant oasis grant was denied because conditions there resembled the war torn, drug-infested countries so many of these innocent flowers were fleeing. It was considered inhumane to subject them to the inevitable PTSD the sounds of weekend gunfire echoing from the south side would induce in them.

The Real Nitty Gritty

The “next grand bargain” for the Democrats will be having to cave in on the rider attached to this bill totally gutting child labor laws. Sean Hannity has grown increasingly strident in his claims that too many successive past generations of our immigrant youth have suffered because of the oppressive jackboot of restrictions on child labor impeding their progress toward working their way into citizenship and becoming millionaires.  All the blonde girls on Fox News are simultaneously nodding in agreement.  Weird, that, and In what many regard as a shameless promotional gimmick to the Duck Dynasty voting block, Honey Boo Boo is being induced into spouting off her cherished words of wisdom on the subject of child labor.  Like you already suspected, she’s totally supportive of ANY extra income that can help to fund her enormous appetite for junk food.

In related news, the financials are all abuzz as Forbes speculates that the supply of goods only economically viable to produce with the aid of vast amounts of locally-sourced and highly affordable child labor will increase exponentially. Stocks in sneaker manufacturing giant Nike jumped 15% on the news. Prices at Walmart? Like my hommie (the one who isn’t in jail) likes to say, “They always be falling!”

Enjoy.

Monkeys Do Nuremberg

The monkeys are in charge and it’s payback time. This is what happens to the fate of humanity when the monkeys hold a kangaroo court against us and we are called to account for our crimes.  It’s July, 3242, the day of the Monkey Nuremberg trials.

This is also where the latest Planet of the Apes movie meets a collection of my most excellent monkey pictures and spawns a possible sequel (note: I have not yet seen the latest release). I envision my offering as a sort of futuristic tragic comedy.  The plot:

Day of the Trial

Good day for a hanging. An early riser snatches a coveted balcony seat in the viewing gallery.

Interested Observer

The Players

The presiding judge in the case, the honorable Thoroughgood Liplicker, added the legal gravitas necessary to implement the ‘final solution’ on the world’s remaining humans:

Wise Old Judge

The court bailiff (obviously a bonobo), Wigglytoes McWanker, is shown below:

Court Baliff

If there had been any actual humans invited to, or involved with the proceedings they might have been shocked by the gallows construction already underway behind Mr. McWanker.  That, and the copious amount of nut-rubbing Mr. McWanker seemed constantly engaged in.  Not a problem however, as the humans were all sequestered well-away from the gathering to protect the crowds from the dangers of “dung-slinging humans”.  The issue of guilt was never in doubt.

Submission of Evidence

The prosecution case rested on the testimony of a solitary witness, Attaboy Bob, seen here with his hand on the top of a monkey bible while being sworn in to testify:

Taking the Oath

Once sworn in, Mr. Bob proceeded to enter just one solitary photo into evidence in support of the monkey case against humanity:

Joys of Youth

As he handed the bailiff the photo as evidence, he quietly uttered, “Any primate that could honestly confuse the linage of their ancestry in the face of such damning evidence to the contrary is unworthy of existence.”

The prosecution rested it’s case.

The Defense

The court-appointed monkey lawyer representing the humans was not allowed to present a case or enter any actual evidence because of legislation still in effect from the Bush Patriot Act prohibiting disclosure of classified government documents, the entire lot of which had been reclassified as top secret since very early on in the Obama administration.  Even Nancy Pelosi’s arrest and eventual hunger strike in Gitmo wasn’t enough to move the public to action.  The monkeys were only too happy to judge humanity based on the ‘rule of law’ we had already developed to judge one another.  In other words, we were screwed.

Judge Liplicker quickly issued a guilty verdict.

The Aftermath

All remaining humans were forcibly removed from the gene pool (with the exception of a few gay waiters, because even in a monkey utopia, it’s hard to find good service).

The orangoutangs threw outrageous parties. The baboons blew the lid off the place. The removal of the final humans is now a huge fireworks holiday on Monkey Earth, despite the length of the disclaimers on the fireworks themselves, warning of the potential probability of setting your hairy monkey-ass on fire.

Enjoy.

Tea Party Truth Serum

The Color of Tea is Brown(shirts) 

MIssissippi’s Miscreants

The lunatic fringe known as the Mississippi Tea Party is going bonkers over their loss to Senator Thad Cochran in the recent primary runoff.  There is literally no tactic they haven’t considered (legal or illegal), in their attempts to seize power.  It is their complete disregard for American jurisprudence and common standards of human decency that led a handful of them to conclude that sneaking into a nursing home and photographing Thad Cochran’s Alzheimer-afflicted wife would be some kind of political coup d’etat.

The Dean of Debauchery

Typical Republican Selfie

With the dust not yet settled from either their illegal behaviors or the loss of the Republican primary, one of the masterminds behind the ill-advised break-in recently committed suicide (so we are told).  His name was Mark Mayfield (seen above) and by offing himself in such a dramatic fashion, he has ensured that his legacy will always be “the McDaniels lieutenant who killed himself rather than face justice for his crimes”.  He’s not the first Tea Party idiot that I’ve known named Mark who has bought the farm.  It’s safe to say that given the choice of continued living in Mississippi, or killing yourself and burning in Hell, Mr. Mayfield is indeed “in a better place” now.  Take from that what you will, but for the sake of your future male children, please have the decency not to name them Mark.  Everybody knows the only good Christian name worth having is Timothy!!  Why else would God name two books of the Bible after me?

The Fallout

Like a wounded tiger, the uncontrolled and artificially-created beast that is the Tea Party incarnation of Fox News is lashing out in Mississippi.  The overt racism which always seethed just under the collar of a ‘reconstructed’ Mississippi is on full display.  What Bush did with the twisting of the definition of torture is now being applied to the definition of voter fraud!  How do you know if it’s voter fraud?  According to Mississippi Tea Party activists, If the voter is Black, then it’s voter fraud!!.  This is how the simple-minded Tea Party people operate in an attempt to keep things simple, but the tone-deafness of their racism is simply unbelievable!!

The Tea Party Constitution

Tea Partiers are quite content to use the second amendment as their favorite masturbatory aid, but don’t be fooled into thinking they give two wanks on a dead wallabies weenie about your right to free speech.  How can I be so sure?  Well, I’ve put them to the test.  One thing that rightwing Christian movements have in common, whether they be mid-twentieth century Germans or early twenty first century Tea Party creationists is a proclivity towards banning that which they find offensive.  Not at all dissimilar to what we see their fundamentalist Muslim counterparts doing to ‘ungodly’ art in their own neighborhoods.

Banning Critical Artworks

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Couldn't Fool Facebook!

Not content in their efforts to dominate that media in which they can buy and control, the ‘liberty loving’ Tea Party folks are hard at work trying to keep my artistic Facebook creations out of the display of their sensitive and easily swayed flock of rubes. Shown above is a McDaniels parody campaign advertisement that the Tea Party fascists tried to get banned though their dishonest attempts at silencing me.  This is in line with their true character of acting in the manner we have com tp expect from the Brownshirt Faction of US politics.  Their latest attempt at silencing my creative #timremix works involves a report to Facebook that the following picture contains “graphic violence”!  It’s definitely as tasteless as their politics, but violent?  I only created it out of ‘self defense” when I read where some of the high ranking operatives in the Mississippi Tea Party were talking about building a memorial to the late Mark Mayfield!!  Just thought you should all be aware.  There’s entirely too little documentary evidence of their hooliganism and thuggery for people to point and click to.  Here’s the ‘graphically violent” picture in question that they just flagged on Facebook:

Profits on the sale of the Mark Mayfield memorial t-shirt are going to be donated to improve nursing home security in Mississippi.

Profits on the sale of the Mark Mayfield memorial t-shirt are going to improve nursing home security in Mississippi.

Isn’t there a Bible verse of some significance to this bunch of religious knuckle draggers that specifically forbids bearing false witness?  

Enjoy.