With apologies to my dear friend @Jerry_dewitt, Author of ‘Hope After Faith‘. It’s not his fault that most of America (and half of atheism) is heavily creeped out by his innate southern Pentecostal mannerisms and is still searching for the ultimate expression of an evangelical free atheist communal experience. I’ll be writing my own companion addition to Jerry’s book. Working title: Fun After Faith
The creative geniuses in my Advanced English Expressions Department, along with a big assist from The Tim Channel’s Ecumenical Plattitudes Division, teamed up to solve one of the world’s most perplexing questions:
Why is it I can put on one sock while holding the other sock in my hand, and then suddenly decide to go on a search for my “missing” sock?
Long frustrated by that unsolvable mystery, they were reassigned to the less Tim-critical mission of forming a new religiously unaffiliated congregation to pacify world religious angst.
To create a place where Mormon apostates can feel comfortable slamming down double lattes while dragging on Marlboro Reds aside reprobate Pentecostals simultaneously experiencing all the thrills of coed skinny dipping in our large communal baptismal hot tub.
We want to encourage the kind of environment where dangerous confrontations are limited to lapsed Muslims and agnostic ex-Baptists arguing over who gets the last pulled pork barbecue sandwich at the monthly pot luck socials.
We’ll know we’re on our way to victory when former Mormons and Muslims agree to stop gay bashing and battle instead on the best brand of Bordeaux to serve at The Pulpit of Timtations between energetic sessions of congo and tambourine-based devotionals.
Inspiration trumps Revelation
How should we respond to the Balkanization of mankind by the violent factions of the various bastardized religious beliefs?
- Wine over weapons. There are no drunks in foxholes.
- Women over war. Mix and match as necessary.
- Song over servitude. Play that Funky Music
Sample Church Program
Prelude to Services
Guest Organist: Benny Goodman – Let’s Dance
Inspirational Family Sing Time
The Roche Sisters – My Sick Mind
Inspirational Weekly Sermon
Reverend Tim: Helping you find your way through this whacked-out world.
This week: How to deal with the unavoidable pain, misery and suffering of living in a Godless society. Readings from selected passages of The Physician’s Desk Reference. Pamphlets from The Dutch Euthanasia Society available on request.
Please welcome The Huey Lewis Evangelical Choir
Great Moments in Church History
Collection of Offerings
Sooner or later we’ll install a tip jar. Until then:
All dogs welcome.
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