To My Wife
When you passed, I not only lost the best cuddle buddy this side of Bandit, but also my biggest fan and patron. Now that you are gone, I will do my best to try and make a living off my blogging as you always told me I could. Up until now, I’ve always considered myself the Mr. Tanner of blogging. I do not know how well I write, it just makes me “whole”.
The me without you misses you but it’s gonna be ok because there’s still ‘me’. The two people who knew me best and I loved the most were you and my mom. Both of you were exceptionally intelligent women and the only women who held me close to their bosoms while whispering to me how special I am. I believed you both.
You did your best. I tried my hardest. You were always right! Your mother will always be the Devil. She did call the cops on me as you
feared predicted, but you did have me properly ‘papered” against the local police. Same goes for the immigration office. Just as you warned me, your ruthless, soul-sucking mother tried hard to abuse me! I can never thank you enough for making sure my scrawny ass was well protected. I attended to MOST of your unfinished business before bouncing out of Germany and will tend to the rest as time and situation dictate. You would be proud of how well our son is handling the situation in your absence.
Rita’s First and Last Husbands
Your first husband Rudolf and I had a touching non-verbal conversation at the “coffee and sandwich” get-together after your funeral. I’m glad you got to spend some time alone with him in your last months reminiscing and comforting each other. I know he’s as hurt by all this as I am, even with the passage of time, and realize from your conversations about him, as well as the shared intimacy and caring glances I saw you exchange, how much you meant to each other. I was never jealous or threatened by your fond residual feelings for any of your previous loves, lovers, husbands or the ongoing stream of men who hit on you. They were been bound to fail, but they did show good taste, even as you skillfully swatted them away. I wonder how many other couples have memories of sitting around on multiple occasions comparing notes on which of their friends, acquaintances, etc. had tried to hit on them at any given time?
I held with you to the end babe and you to me. On your last day it’s as if you waited for me to whisper a final goodbye in your ear before slipping quietly away. I never sought an avenue of escape from Germany when you offered though you lovingly suggested it would be easier on ME. Bandit and I have now cast ourselves back off into the world, far away from the toxic miasma of the Devil. We are now back into the great swirling seas of American opportunity, far outside the confines of our shared German Utopia.
And Vinny? He honors us both. I recognized his love for you as being as strong as mine for my mom. It has had a profound effect on my attitude towards him. He is a positive influence on the world reflecting your gentle manner and delicate sensibilities. We did something seriously right with Vinny. I mostly ‘blame’ you for that. That’s boy’s seriously not, not right. Polished. Savvy. I see your heart in his eyes.
Lizzy will be tended to by Vince. I wish she was young enough to travel with me and Bandit. I think of you when I see her. Vince needs a dog too after all! I will miss her and Vince as I depart the continent, but will do my best to save our one remaining beloved family dog ManMan in the US.
I can recreate the loving environment we hand-raised him in. Imagine Bandit and him getting reacquainted! I understand he’s still a nervous little nelly belly. We both know where that comes from. I have your recorded wishes on ManMan’s disposition. I have your favorite picture of ManMan from your bedside to remind me, but I wouldn’t forget anyway.
People still take so much for granted. All is well. And thank you. Thank you for everything. I shall remain in awe of your brilliance and your faithfulness forever. I shall continue to sing the graces of our shared humanity and your special place in the hearts of so many. I will represent your wishes through eternity. I will not burden future relationships by impossible comparisons to you.
I promise to try and find the good Dutch woman you suggested would be ideal for me as a best fit companion, if and when I ever desire to remarry. I’ll give it a go, somehow. I will vigorously defend those who misrepresent your memory with the actual documentation of your life from any distortion no matter the threat. The book of your love is written on the nooks and crannies of my heart and I shall sing it’s harmonies in prose and speech til my own throat goes stiff and lifeless and my fingers limp.
“You were you, I was me, and we were happy” Our happiness befuddled many who didn’t know our special bond. Still does. You are proof there IS some actual humanity in humans. I hate that your mom misused you so horribly. I understand your addictions. You were mine.
I will always love you. We’ll talk about a lot of stuff later. Or not. Heaven for me will always be the time we already spent together in Eden.
If Hell shortly awaits, you’ve left me toned and properly rested. I think there are papers to prove that too! Count on me to remain good without God. I have plenty of experience battling Devils, so don’t worry about me. Now off to find your loving daddy Joe. You and him have a celestrial coffee and cigarette break. You can use the regular sugar now instead of those hideous low-calorie substitutes. After all, it won’t kill you! Order one of the most expensive of the ethereal blends. Try out the special “Stardust Mix” for me and drop a Yelp review into one of my dreams.
#yourbiggestfan #tangledsouls #myprincess