The Heretics Hayride

Heretic Hayride

Here’s a spring gift that I hope my aging tech, geek, atheist, skeptic, and nimble-minded Euro-youth niches will all appreciate.  I’m pretty sure I’ll offend, applaud or confuse quite a few other niches along the way.  As always, join at your own risk. I don’t want to read or watch whiny Youtube videos about a bunch of hurt feelings when everybody laughs at you for falling off the back of the skeptic’s hay wagon.

If there isn’t enough hay to begin with, there’s a good chance I might be able to stir up a little extra along the way.  Hold the horses!! Heretic HQ just called to tell me that if there are no rules of conduct, then the ride cannot be certified by the head of the Atheistplus Action committee, the formerly estimable Dr. Richard Carrier (aka Debbie Downer).  Since this blog insists on inclusiveness and I have been accused of being something a tad south of totally gracious, here goes:

The Heretic Hayride rules of conduct are as follows:

Leave your pets at home (no #carrierpigeon allowed).  Be aware that our path crosses the known territory of a doughy looking, blue-haired Siren, as well as a cinnamon skinned fuzzy-haired monster.  DO NOT attempt to approach either one. The latter is known to have hair trigger rage issues and an incredibly acute sense of hearing. Snap a PIC, Tweet to World, Call security, write blogpost, but DON’T be foolish enough to confront either of them directly if we have the misfortune of making their encounter.  Keep your arms inside the wagon at all times and avoid loose or dangling jewelry.  Dongle type earrings are known to be specially prone to snagging.

Having to construct and conform to arbitrary rules of conduct took all the fun out of the adventure, so the ride has been officially cancelled for today.

Enjoy.

Attack of the American Girlyban

Your burka says no, but your knees say YES YES YES! 

NOTE: I have just edited and slightly modified this earlier foundational post on the Skepchick-ElevatorGate-Dawkins et.al. brouhaha.  It was offered as pointed satirical levity in response to all the online chatter in the skeptical blog-sphere at the time.

There was no way of predicting that Rebecca Watson would…how do the kids say these days?…remix..my web parody piece into an actual work of living performance art by deciding to go full freakin’ Gal Qaeda over the course of the following year(s). Remember those early initial whines were coming from a Youtube video broadcast from the relative safety (is anywhere really “safe”?  Pearls? Clutched!) of her Girlyban Bunker.

In her latest missive, likely smuggled out of Girlyban HQ by (Richard Carrier pigeon, she bows out of attending the TAM meeting being held in the heavily occupied luxurious South Point Hotel, Casino and Spa and Debauching area, probably because it is located in the dangerous outlaw territory of Afghanistan Las Vegas.  Herein also lies the birthplace of the #gamergate female SJW phenomena.

Birth of the American Girlyban

Some of the greatest men of skepticism and science were taken completely unaware last week, when an internal coup attempt unexpectedly sprang up from within the very heart of the skeptical movement.  In a move that threatens to upend the very foundations of the skeptic/atheist movement, a dedicated group of sleeper females, though wit, great cooking, and feminine guile, gradually infiltrated the heralded halls of rational intelligentsia.  I have chosen to label them as the American Girlyban for reasons that shall become quite clear.

Entire herds of atheist males are now frozen from panic and shock.  Skeptics are increasingly becoming more skeptical.  Otheres are facing exhaustion from endlessly dodging incoming rounds from Girlyban snipers on skeptic websites.  Others suffer from the nausea of just running around in circles getting more skeptical and hysterical at the same time.  It’s a scene reminiscent of that Alien movie, right after the baby beast comes ripping out through the chest cavity of that dude on the gurney.

These crafty Girlyban infiltrators are using psychological warfare tactics on the guys.  This is so NOT COOL.  It’s OK to use a logic bomb to fry the circuits of an out-of-control sci-fi movie robot, (by putting them in an endless loop until they explode in smoke and fire-DUH).  It a violation to the spirit of camaraderie, if not the Geneva convention, to use them against your fellow travelers.   But it’s foolish to complain that terrorists don’t follow the rules, because then they wouldn’t be terrorists would they?

Many atheist men, (and some of the atheist women who love them) are concerned with the direction of the atheist movement now that the warlord Benedict PZ Arnold Myers threw his vast and powerful virtual army of support to the side of the rapidly swelling Muslima coalition.

Some of the guys sensed the early warning signs.  There were whispers of discontent early on, specially with the imposed addition of lighted make-up mirrors in the unisex bathrooms  in the Atheist Freedom Center.  It was a bad omen, but proper social decorum, then as now, seemed to require those who spoke up be labeled as misogynistic douchbags or worse, much, much worse.  Many men sighed, gave up, and  just started wearing make-up themselves.  The old adage, “If you can’t beat ’em join ’em” was adopted.

The history of guy-liner use within the rationalist community is still a touchy subject, but I’m not here to dance the Gish Gallop, so let’s get on with the ball.  It’s already too late to un-think the horror of what might happen if warlord Benedict PZ Arnold Myers were to meet an out of control Girlyban bikini-wax enthusiast.***  He’s known as a guy who’ll  kiss up to nearly anything in a (non-Catholic) skirt.

***Consider yourselves lucky Google image search returned a null result for “bearded guy gets bikini wax”  EVEN with safe search turned OFF…..nuff said.

My personal fear is that all this feminine familiarity is leading  PZ down a path of succulent female temptations ruination.  The atheist community has been longing for its own honest-to-goodness sex scandal of Haggardian proportions for quite some time now.  I know it is horrible to contemplate, but seeing how the world survived goatse boy, it might survive if pics of PZ popped up showing him wrestling nude in pudding with even the most grizzled of the Muslima coalition.

You’d think WMD’s need to actually exist to have an effect, but we all know better.  The actual existence of the zombie elevator guy, with a penchant for caffeine fueled sex romps, proves even a phantom threat can be ginned up to a full scale Girlyban cyber-battle.  Enter Richard Dawkins.

Richard Dawkins, one of the founding fathers of new atheism (“Four Horsemen“), was blindsided by a barrage of verbal shrapnel, after innocently stumbling into a well hidden landmine planted by a fully embedded American Girlyban operative.  The poor guy had no idea the “hell on Earth” he was unleashing by simply offering his reasonable, if opposing opinion, to a prominent Girlyban missive.

What Mr Dawkins, a native Brit didn’t realize, is that his contrary opinion on a subject the American Girlyban considered as long settled American atheist tribal law, was being received by the Girlyban community with the same enthusiasm the Muslim community feels toward artists of Mohammed cartoons.  I’d caution Mr. Dawkins about getting cornered late at night in a hotel elevator by any American woman with multicolor hair and a tendency to imagine sexual dragons where none exist.  My suggested solution to these fearful trembling atheist flowers to “shoot first and let God sort out the rapists from the coffee addicts” probably isn’t making the world any safer for either Mr. Dawkins or myself.  Still, I have a duty to concerned female skeptics to offer practical suggestions geared to solve the problem, whether they embrace them or not.

Muslima aka Skepchick (alias Rebecca Watson) lobbed the initial IED (irritatingly exasperating detour).  Watson appears below, in her latest posting to YouTube (from her secure, unknown bunker just slightly north, east, south and west of Baghdad – near the still hidden WMD’s).  This is a classic use of social media to bypass the “men” in charge at the top.  The irony of her having learned and copied it from a sexist man living in a cave in a Pakistan suburb, just makes the irony more profound.

And just like the Taliban, the American Girlyban are fed up with the lurid sexual nature of a depraved Western culture..  Here’s a previous example of their ‘outrage’ to the subject of blending their sexuality with their role in skepticism:

In hindsight, it’s obvious these wily operatives were just filling the atheist church pews with easy prey to make future examples out of.  Is it any wonder a mob of slobbering, World of Warcraft addicted, socially awkward basement dwellers are starting to invade their ‘space’?,  Contrary to their more recent proclamations, their history of their deceit is well documented.  Right now they’re still playing out the “Bush – “We don’t torture” phase of their disinformation campaign.  Give it a couple months and they’ll be BRAGGING about the abuse and claiming it’s a necessary tool in their war against ‘creepy elevator guys’.  Watch and see.

The American Girlyban are even more scary than their Muslim counterparts, if for no other reason than the wild mood swings.

Enjoy.