Gonzo Survivor Recap


You can count on a merge next week because the producers are all out of immunity challenges that don’t involve at least a modicum of physicality. To top it all off, they can’t count on the women being any less brain dead than the men in puzzle challenges, so there is no avenue left but to toss them all together and let nature run its course.

C-boy has shown that the saying “Absolute power corrupts absolutely” is not just a meaningless meme, but a lifestyle choice he embraces with all the enthusiasm he likely hugs his paid minority help back on his plantation in Alabama. To be sure, I have steadily mocked C-boy’s effeminata, but it is his repulsive identification as a conservative Republican that would make me most nervous to turn my back on him. I hate taxes as much as the next guy (not really but play along) but if I were gay I sure as hell wouldn’t be cheering on the political party constantly attacking my lifestyle.

But I digress. After a bellyful of C-boy angst and aggravation, the men lose a fairly straight-forward coconut slingshot reward challenge and the girls finally get a tarp. If any of the men were harboring tribal defense notions based around forward operating coconut gunneries, this challenge clearly highlighted the futility of such a design. I am confused at the lack of sponsor support in these challenges. Home Depot too cheap to sponsor a tarp ferchrissakes? A Krispy Kreme sign by those donuts might have added just the extra amount of subliminal boost necessary to induce situational stupidity in such vapid competitors. It’s a three-to-one bet that we would have seen Kat shivering another night in the rain as it melted the last bit of donut juice off her cheeks. She was SO ready for those donuts.

Fast forward to the immunity challenge where the guys are so jubilant with their immunity win they UNANIMOUSLY give it away to the girls! Because…uh..the entire tribe is in MELTDOWN MODE over the discovery that one or more players on their tribe are…drumroll…actually playing the game!

Elf tells TBC (token Black comedian) he is not as safe as he thinks he is. Elf is TBC’s “best bro'”. C-boy, in full drama queen mode, cannot allow this to pass. This must be stopped AT ALL COSTS, even if it involves a circular firing squad.
This is mostly because C-boy says it must be so, but not without the full throated sycophantic support of Tarzaniac, this season’s leading contender for the role of C-boys version of Coach’s mindlessly Godful protege enforcer ScrambledHantz.

There is an awkwardly strained attempt at crafting a narrative around a possible Elf departure, but in the end, what C-boy wants C-boy gets. Bad news for TBC, but he didn’t deserve to go on any longer if he was dumb enough to risk himself after what Elf had told him and the way C-boy treated him when he tried to talk to him in camp. Plus, he wasn’t really that funny.

Dumbest group of Survivors in the history of the show. Epic ignorance. Next week merge. I expect the girls will be huddled up and paired off with whatever is left of male sexuality on the ManMan tribe if my observations on human behavior vis-a-vis hopelessly useless female Survivors of old is any guide.