The Miracle of Medical Malpractice

Just when you thought you’d seen the worst of the religion inspired creationist freak shows, along comes a real life example of the extent to which religious idiocy has infected the minds of America.  The glow is fading off this old religious miracle, but fear not my fickle-brained faithful friends!!  There’s a new miracle ready to rock your world!!

It’s a Miracle?

(CNN) — Even in the Bible Belt, coroners don’t use the word “miracle” lightly.

But Holmes County, Mississippi, Coroner Dexter Howard has no qualms using the word for the resurrection, as it were, of Walter Williams, who he was declared dead Wednesday night.

As if to mock the
recent rebroadcast of my heavily documented on-line secular miracle, my old neighbors in Mississippi have seen fit to induce another miracle of their own in an obvious attempt to glam onto the press I’ve generated with mine.  Of course it’s rather self serving for this incompetent medical examiner to lay his own incompetence off as a miracle, but it’s a helluva good way to distract the bumble brained Baptists who apparently voted him into his position as coroner in the first place.

A Different Kind of Miracle

I suspect the ecclesiastical certificate of this miracle is already on it’s way back from the Kinko’s where Brother Ted gets a 10% bulk-rate discount.  I hope my religious friends won’t take too much offense to me using such a desultory eight letter word, but perhaps if we examine the actual evidence, there is a more rational explanation for what happened than “godditit”.  Let’s hit the breaks on the Baptist Pope-mobile for just a second here and look at the “observational” science as Ken Ham suggests is the only proper way to decide on these serious issues of life and death.

By Creationist Standards

Because I was taking really good notes the night Ken Ham gave that science lesson to Bill Nye, I decided to look at the ‘observational” evidence of this latest claim of a Mississippi miracle and here’s what I found:

“Among the public health consequences was a medico-legal spoils system that valued pseudoscience and expedient criminal convictions over scientific validity”

The state is one of several that elect county coroners to oversee death investigations. The office requires no medical training, only a high-school diploma, and it commonly goes to the owner of the local funeral home.

Mississippi Needs a Miracle

It would be more of a miracle if Mississippi decided to implement standards for medical examiners that included, I don’t know, maybe having some medical license or training?   Until then, Uncle Teds Bible College and Taxidermy graduates are free to fill the role. Heaven forbid they’d think to pass a law requiring doctors to check on the aging batteries of poor old Black folks with failing pacemakers.  You gotta give them credit.  This kind of thing isn’t out of the norm for religious folks. The reason they’re so quick to pronounce the living as dead is because they are gullible enough to believe that the dead go on living.


Thyroid Cancer Mystery Theater

Timmy Warhol

This renewed focus on the issue of increased thyroid cancer begs the question; Is there too much thyroid cancer being diagnosed, or is this just concern trolling masking the ongoing scientific coverup of a(nother) horrific chapter in US history we’re suppose to ‘forget’?

It’s also a ‘mystery’ as to why so many ‘sudden’ cases of hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) started popping up like dandelions in springtime beginning with the youth of my generation.  So many mysteries!

Mystery solved:

Per capita thyroid doses for the population of each county in the United States from Operation Plumbbob in 1957.

Nuclear Teenage Mutant Nation

This increase in thyroid cancer COULD be due (makes perfect sense) to the long exposure lag-time for radiation-induced cancers.  Many of my fellow baby boomer buddies were bathed in radioactive fallout in our childhoods, even though it was widely known that exposure to certain nuclear isotopes was particularly nasty to the developing thyroids of kids.  We were spared a nuking from the Russians but we still managed to inflict upon our children, one of our own making.  It’s apparently as ‘forgotten’ to the ravages of history as are the admitted war crimes of the Bush administration.  Looking back will probably turn us into a pillar of salt or something.  I need to check with a creation scientist to be sure, but having lived it, that data sure looks observational and historical to me!

Those above-ground nuclear tests out in Nevada blew concentrated fallout all across the midwest as can be clearly seen in the map above.  There’s your perfectly rational explanation for the “sudden” increase in thyroid troubles as well as my standard answer to “How the Hell did you end up so special?”   We don’t need to call in a creation scientist to figure this one out for us folks.  It’s as fundamental as the melting point of steel (Fahrenheit 911).