Microsoft Tablets

Plop Plop, Fizz Fizz.

Microsoft is launching their first batch of tablet computers.  I have been hearing those words for about six months now but haven’t actually seen one yet.  Back when I gave a squat about what Microsoft was babbling about, they were constantly talking about a Courier tablet.  Looked cool.  Never materialized.  I seem to remember that being several years before the iPad arrived.  Another case of “what if” for Microsoft.

The Courier seemed breathtakingly innovative compared with “keyboard covers in fancy colors” that look good, and are obviously meant to make them stand out from the iPads they are (desperately?) trying to compete with, but since the Apple iPad already has an outstanding Bluetooth keyboard available (full disclosure – I love my Apple Bluetooth keyboard) that feature isn’t as Earth-shattering as it might otherwise appear to those with no knowledge of the Apple iPad accessory market.

The last time Microsoft entered a market segment this late in the game was with the Zune, when they absolutely couldn’t ignore the iPod any longer.  Microsoft was one of the last, and easily the largest of the iPod killers, to end in the graveyard of hopelessly lame electronics.  The Zune is now referred to as the Edsel of electronic devices but just like the Edsel there are some who still sing the technical virtues of the device.

Two Routes Tablets to the Celestial Kingdom. success.

In the spirit of mixing politics with, uh….everything, and a keen eye on educating the US public on the bizarre religious beliefs of one of their leading candidates, I shall refer to the two Microsoft tablet models as Urim and Thummim, with Urim being the stand-in for the cheaper unit and Thummim taking the starring role as full blown tablet.

That the “cheaper” tablet is doomed to fail couldn’t be more obvious to me if it were written on Golden Tablets and decoded by Joseph Smith himself.  It won’t be long before chants of “The Urim is Vermin” begin to appear.  My guess is that will happen about the time the hapless consumer clicks into the “apps” section of the Microsoft store.  Since Urim doesn’t support full scale Microsoft products, the Urim clients will be tethered to the Microsoft store just like the Apple iPad crowd.  I venture to guess that the Microsoft store will resemble the bread lines in former Soviet Russia as people stand around waiting (hoping, praying) that their favorite app will get ported to Microsoft.  This is the tablet that will really show how much Microsoft was “forced” into producing this on their own when everybody else knew better.  Prediction: DOA

Microsoft’s upscale version$$$ of their newfangled tablet (Thummin) is purported to run full-blown Windows.  See all those extra dollar signs?  Prediction: Narrow adoption by those with very specialized needs, and that is fully dependent on the unit actually performing in a manner consistent with the high expectations Microsoft is prepping everybody for.

Clear winner in all this?  Ipad Mini.


The Dope has Been Roped

While Andrew Sullivan was having his big gay panic attacks over Obama’s first debate performance, I was posting about the longer term rope-a-dope strategy that Mohammed Ali employed against George Foreman in his 1974 bout, commonly referred to as “The Rumble in the Jungle”.  Since there are still precious few engaged in the business of promoting my particularly insightful brand of intellectual political analysis, I guess it is left to me to say, “I told you so

President Obama not only “roped-a-dope” in his second debate performance yesterday evening, he also did it with the rope that Romney brought to hang him with.  Romney laid into the business of tying the noose with the enthusiasm and clueless self awareness of the Mormon youth evangelizing our neighborhoods (all the while avoiding the landmine of myriad Coke machines placed in their path to taunt them).

Mitt Romney is an expert on making Mitt Romney rich, a point to which the President was cornered into admitting after nearly being clubbed to death by Romney”s fully engorged pension.

Mitt would also like you to know that he is a deep student of current affairs in Benghazi:

Please proceed Governor….…

At the end of the day, Romney did the ONE thing he absolutely could not afford to do.  He got caught in an attempt at outright fraud.  The fact that he was put in check by a woman was just schadenfreude of an entirely different magnitude.  Something I would describe as almost celestial in nature.  Romney’s overall demeanor did nothing for his case either. Whoever coached him on how to act like a pushy fat guy at a casino buffet ought to be handed a pink slip.

#landslide #coattails #cleansweep #Obama2012

Cross-posted all over creation.


Wanker Alert

Andrew Sullivan, the right-wing, self-hating homosexual Catholic, has a rant on how Obama is in dire straits after one mediocre debate with Romney.  What a freak show this Sullivan character really is!!  For those of you unfamiliar with Sullivan, he is best remembered as a gung-ho rightwing Bush war supporter, before he eventually pulled his head out of his ass (see also John Cole at Balloon Juice for a similar postwar conversion).

For those too young to remember, see this and remember this is a three round bout.

Here is Huffington Post take now that they have noticed.


Thrice in Two Days

The “Once”

What in the hell is going on at Apple?  The Mac Mini I just got was a royal pain in the ass to setup because it wouldn’t sync with my Apple Bluetooth wireless keyboard. (below, my full MacMini Epinions review here.

The “Twice”

Yesterday I decided to upgrade my iPhone 4 to the new iOS6 (because it seemed like the right thing to do at the time? Argh!)  The press hoopla over the talking maps app DEMO made it out to be the shizzle.  “Dazzling Flyover” was mentioned on a plethora of tech websites.  It was so exciting that I posted the event to Facebook and Twitter while waiting on the download to finish. The kinda thing people do when they are expecting the birth of a new family member.  The kinda thing I should only share with my support group at Apple Fanboy Anonymous (AFA) meetings.  They have a twelve step program to clear your mind of Windows clutter, the details of which I am sworn to protect with the tenacity that Mitt Romney does his hidden tax records.  But I digress.

For the most part, outside of the invisible internal code changes, I suspect that the maps change was the biggest deal for iPhone 4 users, since we lack Siri functionality and our models aren’t panorama capable.  Once the download and upgrade was finished, the first thing I did was check a route I utilized under the old map.  The walking route from my house to the NaturZoo in Rheine.  The walking route is basically the bike route and I used it to get to the Zoo on my moped awhile back.  Imagine my shock and surprise to find that no such option is available now.

With the new map app I only get routing via the autobahn, and with my moped being limited by law to the sidewalk at 15 mph (25 kmh) that info is as worthless as a plea for sanity aimed anywhere in the general direction of the Republican party (or Faux News, ibid)

I jumped on the web to check what was up, Seconds after confirming the trending Twitter topic MAP APP SUX, I see all these tech sites that had previously been heralding the new iOS like the second coming of Christ are now bashing the crap out of the new maps app like Mitt Romney attacking reason itself, and with the exact same Etch-a-Sketch ability to condemn what they so heartily were hailing just a day earlier.  That must have been the day the seed was planted that I “needed” this upgrade.  I blame those media bastards because “never blame yourself” is something I learned at AFA.  Actually, It is the first rule of fight club. AFA from which I shall now be banished for exposing the first rule of AFA.  Not that I would chance attending another meeting now that I have blown the org.

The “Thrice”

Now my update apps button takes me to the German version of the apps store, where it correctly identifies the apps I need to update and then rejects me for being in the wrong store for my device (DUH).  It always went to the US store before.  I now have to chase down or figure out if-where that setting resides so I can update about half a dozen apps that the device says I need to update.  Steve Jobs, I am crying for you bro’


The Headless Beast

Romney is sticking to the lie that he had nothing to do with Bain Capital management after 1999.  Simple question for the press.  Who was managing Bain Capital after 1999?  It is called journalism.  I don’t get paid to do it which probably explains why I am so much better at it than the pros.