On Faith

Debating God Slobberers

Long before they go cosmological or ontological on you, there’s this bit of pablum you have to wade through with almost all of your run-of-the-mill God slobberers.   Here’s the short list of the debating tactics of those on the religious short bus and how to deal with them:

The Gob Slobberer Starter Toolkit

1. You are mad at/hate God.
2. You wish to masturbate (more enthusiastically?) without oversight. (Masturbation just manages to squeeze out “practice homosexuality” as the ‘go-to sin” above the Mason-Dixon line).
3. You are lashing out at “the church” because (e.g.) a priest masturbated you a little too enthusiastically or you had some other negative experience at church.
4. You haven’t looked for God in the right places.

The Skeptics Responses

1.  I wish there was a God to be mad at but since that’s s a fantasy of yours I don’t share I’m going to have to hold you personally responsible for all the chowder-headed nonsense you’re spewing and the damage that occurs as a result.

2.  I do the best I can not to embarrass the ghost of Oscar Wilde.

3.  The soft hand of a Catholic priest would have been a Godsend in lieu of the total subjugation of my mind which was attempted in order to help me find comfort in the patently ridiculous notions being promulgated by mindless goobers like you.

4.  I looked everywhere for God as a child, but it was all to no avail. Were the father, son and holy ghost all too busy for for my toast?   Upon puberty it finally hit me.  Vaginas seemed the likeliest hideout for God that I hadn’t already searched in my youth.  Checked a bunch….nada God there..

I’ll keep looking to broaden the sample size but I’m skeptical I’ll find anything other than an echo in even the largest of vaginas.

Maybe God is too ashamed to show his face after looking around and seeing what a horrible job he did in the first place.  That’s a distinct possibility and the one I’d run up the flagpole if I was a master goober in religious apologetics.

Enjoy.

The Forty Year Old Virginess

Christine O’Donnell, the Republican teabag candidate running for the Senate from Delaware, claims to have led a totally abstinent life.  I just realized that she’s over 40 years old and is claiming a degree of virginity that one could only assess (because she tells us so and she is so afraid of lying that she’d have outed Ann Frank to the Nazis if asked) as inhumanly bizarre.

Not only does she claim virginity, but she also claims that she doesn’t believe in masturbation as well.  In this regard she has more in common with your average Muslim male suicide bomber than any American I know.   Like a horny Muslim shepherd pondering a good sheep buggering, she must be seething with hormones that cannot be otherwise dissipated.

This type of behavior breeds an anticipatory delight for sex that is so strong, it fuels an army of young Muslim men to commit some of the most unfathomable acts of violence.  They’ll literally do anything to get a shot at some of those 72 virgins promised to martyrs.

The big difference between those sexless, single Muslims and Christine O’Donnell?  She is free to deviate from the excessive prescriptions of fundamentalist Catholicism without the fear of reprisal.  Many Muslims are not.  The enforcement division of the Catholic church has lost the ability they once wielded in earlier eras.   The average American Catholic, along with the vast majority of the population at large, refuse to inflict the type of social consequences that once helped the Church maintain social compliance at the neighborhood level.

So well and good then.  It’s a marginally free society we live in, and Ms. O’Donnell is well within her rights to practice her peculiar lifestyle as she sees fit.  Her official status as part hot chick and part American Taliban,  makes ignoring her as difficult as refraining from watching the most popular viral Youtube videos.  It’s not like it’s my dam fault I’m a sucker for a good puppy video.

The question for America that is looming larger and larger is this:  At what point in a representative democracy does the train go off the rails when the actual people doing the representation are an aberrant abstraction from the people at large?  What force of nature (the pretty as Palin factor?) causes a majority of any group to choose a leader so removed from their own personal experiences?

Which leads me to my final question.  Did they ever really get those Diebold electronic voting machine irregularities issues sorted out to the satisfaction of all?

Enjoy.