The Good Old Days

Obama, in his best Bush, “We don’t torture” voice:

1. We don’t spy on Americans.  What kind of crazy talk is that?

2. Ok, we do spy on Americans but only those who are talking with foreigners. We’re not the Stasi ferchrissakes.

3. We only collect metadata.  It’s not like we’re copying your emails and chat logs, something that would be clearly illegal and totally against the fourth amendment to the Constitution of the United States.

4. We collect everything on everybody.  Not only do we collect your emails and chat logs, but their contents are freely accessible to every low level tech drone outsourced by the NSA. We have every intention to continue doing so no matter what the body of public opinion on the matter is.

Have you not been watching my harassment of medical marijuana clinics in the West, where voters have overwhelmingly expressed their willingness to allow same?  This government will not stand idly by and watch the level of democracy and compassion rise to a point which might endanger the continued existence of these United States.

I will now focus the rest of my term on issues of concern to the working class.

Enjoy.

Bullshit Mountain – Outsourcing Edition

•  Tim Fuller I know there are hundreds of low income kids who could train to be excellent doctors if given the opportunity, and who would be willing to work for a fraction of what doctors are overcharging now. I say let the government pay to train qualified students willing to work for less and the doctor shortage you are concern trolling about would be solved in one graduation cycle. Enjoy.

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•  Tim Fuller Daddy, I don’t want to be a doctor when I grow up anymore because I can only make enough money for one vacation house and two exotic import cars. F it all Dad!! I am going to live in a VW camper down by the river. #TVRealityShowHITMAKER Enjoy.

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• Vicki Stanfield Tim, maybe if you can keep them off crack and other illegal things they are involved in. You have to have motivation and the Bill Clinton’s you speakl of don’t have what it takes. Put that in your bong and smoke it.

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• Vicki Stanfield Clinton’s kids with their pants on the ground. I’ll let you go Tim Fuller, I don’t want you to be late to your night job at MacDonalds.

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• Tim Fuller Run along Ms Vicki, if that is even your real name. I smell a communist agent provocateur among us here folks. No honest God fearing, apple pie eating, John Wayne worshiping American would misspell our nations most prominent fast food retail establishment. My second theory involves the Republicans, under Karl Rove paying a piece of that 350 million he swiped from rich ignorant trust fund bastards to third world English speaking squatters who continually post insipid rightwing astroturf. In either case, your cover is blown. Enjoy.

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• Tim Fuller One last thing there Habib…I mean Ms Vicki. “cover is blown” is an American idiom meaning that the con you are trying to perpetuate upon us has been exposed. Now run on down to the local falafel shop before all the good outside goat meat has been sold and you’re left with that crunchy crap next to the bone. Enjoy.

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• Vicki Stanfield Sorry, but I don’t patronize McDonalds like the fat liberals who have no self-control and turn around to sue them.

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• Tim Fuller You keep practicing there Habib and one day your broken English won’t be as transparently bogus as it is today. On that day you will graduate to Microsoft tech support hotline where you will pretend to be Randy from Montana. Slumlord millionaire. Enjoy.

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Upended by the Bended Straw

Having too much faith in your own lies results in hubris which will destroy you.  Part one:

Reverend Haggard was upended by a bended male prostitute.  Not sure if the straw (that he used to snort meth off the gay hooker’s cock) was a bendy one or not.

On straws, hubris, lies and faith, part two:

Sarah Palin decides to mock the lamestream media for their reporting that her speaking contracts included the kinds of diva demands we’d associate more with Madonna than Mama Grizzy:

“First, um, I got my water… do I have my straws? I want my straws. And I want ’em bent, please, thank you. At least that’s what I read in some of the lamestream media outlets. Is that I was demanding straws or some ridiculous thing. So, I’m just glad that we got some of those contractual demands out of the way and finally settled.”

At the time Sarah mocked the media for reporting on ridiculous rumors, the contract in question was being suppressed.  She has known so much success in suppressing records inconvenient to her truth that I guess she thought she would get away with it again!  Not so fast.  There’s a grizzly killer over at Palingates:

The top-secret contract between Sarah Palin’s agents, the Washington Speakers Bureau and the CSU Stanislaus Foundation has been published!  This happened in response to the ruling of the Superior Court of the State of California.

The bendy straws are definitely in the contract, which came to light because a couple student ‘dumpster divers’ ran across a discarded copy (which became the subject of said court decision).  Sarah mocks these students during her speech:

FWIW, she got paid over seventy five grand for thirty minutes of speaking (no Q&A). She was paid with public money, yet fought to keep the contract secret. Now you know.
Enjoy.

Disremembering 9-11

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Orwellian attempt at rewriting history. How long before Sarah Palin picks up on this meme?

Enjoy.