Another Day at the Office

My first glance out the window yesterday morning was a little hazy, but as I cracked the door to let Bandit outside to do his morning business, I noticed a tree trimming crew stalking the neighborhood. Eager to get a chance to flex my photojournalistic videography skills, I donned a jacket, grabbed my video gear and bounced out of the house just a couple steps behind my hairy four legged beast.  The tree trimming crew only rolls through the neighborhood once every three years in order to keep the local forest from disabling the power lines, yet Providence saw fit for me to be in the right place at the right time yesterday morning!  Just another example of the special blessings which continue to fall into my path even as the pains of life nips at my heels. Photo montage and video after the jump.

Last Words to a Lost Love

To My Wife

When you passed, I not only lost the best cuddle buddy this side of Bandit, but also my biggest fan and patron. Now that you are gone, I will do my best to try and make a living off my blogging as you always told me I could.  Up until now, I’ve always considered myself the Mr. Tanner of blogging.  I do not know how well I write, it just makes me “whole”.

The me without you misses you but it’s gonna be ok because there’s still ‘me’. The two people who knew me best and I loved the most were you and my mom. Both of you were exceptionally intelligent women and the only women who held me close to their bosoms while whispering to me how special I am.  I believed you both.

You did your best. I tried my hardest.  You were always right!  Your mother will always be the Devil.  She did call the cops on me as you feared predicted, but you did have me properly ‘papered” against the local police. Same goes for the immigration office.  Just as you warned me, your ruthless, soul-sucking mother tried hard to abuse me!  I can never thank you enough for making sure my scrawny ass was well protected.  I attended to MOST of your unfinished business before bouncing out of Germany and will tend to the rest as time and situation dictate. You would be proud of how well our son is handling the situation in your absence.

Rita’s First and Last Husbands

Your first husband Rudolf and I had a touching non-verbal conversation at the “coffee and sandwich” get-together after your funeral. I’m glad you got to spend some time alone with him in your last months reminiscing and comforting each other.  I know he’s as hurt by all this as I am, even with the passage of time, and realize from your conversations about him, as well as the shared intimacy and caring glances I saw you exchange, how much you meant to each other.  I was never jealous or threatened by your fond residual feelings for any of your previous loves, lovers, husbands or the ongoing stream of men who hit on you.  They were been bound to fail, but they did show good taste, even as you skillfully swatted them away.  I wonder how many other couples have memories of sitting around on multiple occasions comparing notes on which of their friends, acquaintances, etc. had tried to hit on them at any given time?

I held with you to the end babe and you to me. On your last day it’s as if you waited for me to whisper a final goodbye in your ear before slipping quietly away.  I never sought an avenue of escape from Germany when you offered though you lovingly suggested it would be easier on ME.   Bandit and I have now cast ourselves back off into the world, far away from the toxic miasma of the Devil.  We are now back into the great swirling seas of American opportunity, far outside the confines of our shared German Utopia.

And Vinny?  He honors us both. I recognized his love for you as being as strong as mine for my mom.  It has had a profound effect on my attitude towards him. He is a positive influence on the world reflecting your gentle manner and delicate sensibilities. We did something seriously right with Vinny. I mostly ‘blame’ you for that. That’s boy’s seriously not, not right. Polished. Savvy.  I see your heart in his eyes.

Lizzy will be tended to by Vince. I wish she was young enough to travel with me and Bandit. I think of you when I see her.  Vince needs a dog too after all!  I will miss her and Vince as I depart the continent, but will do my best to save our one remaining beloved family dog ManMan in the US.

I can recreate the loving environment we hand-raised him in. Imagine Bandit and him getting reacquainted!  I understand he’s still a nervous little nelly belly.  We both know where that comes from.  I have your recorded wishes on ManMan’s disposition. I have your favorite picture of ManMan from your bedside to remind me, but I wouldn’t forget anyway.

People still take so much for granted. All is well. And thank you. Thank you for everything. I shall remain in awe of your brilliance and your faithfulness forever. I shall continue to sing the graces of our shared humanity and your special place in the hearts of so many. I will represent your wishes through eternity. I will not burden future relationships by impossible comparisons to you.

I promise to try and find the good Dutch woman you suggested would be ideal for me as a best fit companion, if and when I ever desire to remarry.  I’ll give it a go, somehow. I will vigorously defend those who misrepresent your memory with the actual documentation of your life from any distortion no matter the threat. The book of your love is written on the nooks and crannies of my heart and I shall sing it’s harmonies in prose and speech til my own throat goes stiff and lifeless and my fingers limp.

“You were you, I was me, and we were happy” Our happiness befuddled many who didn’t know our special bond. Still does. You are proof there IS some actual humanity in humans. I hate that your mom misused you so horribly. I understand your addictions. You were mine.

I will always love you.  We’ll talk about a lot of stuff later. Or not. Heaven for me will always be the time we already spent together in Eden.

If Hell shortly awaits, you’ve left me toned and properly rested. I think there are papers to prove that too!  Count on me to remain good without God. I have plenty of experience battling Devils, so don’t worry about me.  Now off to find your loving daddy Joe.  You and him have a celestrial coffee and cigarette break.  You can use the regular sugar now instead of those hideous low-calorie substitutes.  After all, it won’t kill you!  Order one of the most expensive of the ethereal blends.  Try out the special “Stardust Mix” for me and drop a Yelp review into one of my dreams.

#yourbiggestfan #tangledsouls #myprincess

Enjoy.

Hashing it Out

Simple Internet Indexing

I’ve been playing with hashtags since at least 2012, when I first blogged about the subject and shared some of my favorite personal hashtags.  I don’t think Twitter nvented the hashtag, but starting in 2009, they certainly fostered the trend.  In any case, both the inventor and the popularizers have my thanks and praise.

Hashtags are really coming into their own with journalists and social justice warriors worldwide.  They’re helpful as advertising hooks to publicize and comment on specific events, both non-profit and commercial.  There’s even a new word that’s been invented. “Hashtivism” is the noun that describes people who use hashtags in promoting their favored causes online, an activity that is now referred to as hacktivism.  Here’s a bit of my tongue-in-cheek hacktivism:

Pawning PZ Myers

I’ve been following the car wreck of PZ Myers “career” choices with shock and amazement.  My interest has definitely been renewed since his slanderous post attacking Michael Shermer the other day.  Of special concern to me is how Mr. Shermer would react to the hairy fatman slinging monkey feces all over the inter webs.  We’ve all been wondering for quite some time who would rid us of this meddlesome pzPriest.  In case any of you hadn’t yet heard, Mikey did it!!

Late last night (here in Europe) I noticed that PZ had a post about receiving a cease and desist letter from Shermer’s lawyer.  Rather than read it last night, I decided to set it aside as a breakfast treat.  Imagine my surprise and dissapointent when I woke up this morning, eager to dive into the gory details, only to find that PZ had pulled the complaint he received from Shermer’s lawyer out of his post!!

Just like the Mormon apologists I blogged about not long ago, PZ must have figured the letter from Shermer’s lawyer contained too much factual information negative to his personal jihad against Michael Shermer, and just like the case of the attempted Mormon coverup, probably didn’t count on the fact somebody would grab the document and mirror it elsewhere.  To make a long story short, I made quick work of locating the “scrubbed” doc and as such we all get to bask in the savory glow of PZ’s schadenfreude.

To be fair to PZ, the letter from Shermer’s lawyer, replete with facts, doesn’t really “fit” into the phantasm of the narrative that PZ has constructed around his frenzied imaginations of atheist get-togethers as nothing more than a perpetual Skeptic’s Sodom and Gomorrah Carnival Show.  Here’s just a taste of the karmic goodness that awaits those who download and read the entire six page PDF:

Contains numerous false and defamatory statements about Mr. Shermer based on certain unsubstantiated allegations purportedly made by an unidentified woman against Mr. Shermer. These statements are completely false, inaccurate and intentionally misleading in that they are intended to suggest that Mr. Shermer had forced this unidentified woman into sexual intercourse without her consent, and that he somehow “raped” her or is a sexual predator who would coerce women into nonconsensual sexual intercourse. Your statements in the Entry, including original statements, update and comments, to the entry to be false, inaccurate, intentionally misleading libelous, and these statements were designed to seriously damage Mr. Shermer’s name,reputation and character in the science community and elsewhere, and to humiliate Mr. Shermer.

The document also makes very specific demands of PZ. In addition to removing the offending content (and 4000 associated comments to date) there’s this chunk of cactus for PZ to choke down; Shermer’s lawyer is quite specific as to what is expected of PZ.  He is ordered to post the following statement on his website:

“I retract the original posted on August 8, 2013, entitled “What do you do when someone pulls the pin and hands you a grenade?” (the Entry). Specifically, I hereby retract all statements, quotations, and comments therein made with respect to Mr. Shermer. I extend my apologies to Mr. Sherman  any to any other party affected by the statements, quotations, and comments contained in the Entry.”

Now I’m off to tend to my horses and get some microwave popcorn (not really that easy to find here in Germany btw).  I’m gonna need it for the show that I expect will begin shortly after America wakes up and realizes that The Rumble in the Mumble is now fully underway.

Quick note to those reading this post on an iOS device or other mouse limited device.  You’re missing all the goodness of the Hoverjoy rollovers I place on most photos and links.

Enjoy.