Atheist Sects – June 2148

Girlyban Bingo

Recently updated to include information on Al Stefanelli fall from grace change of mind concerning the Girlyban contingent takeover of FTB.

Cranking out content faster than Ryan or Romney can grab your granny’s social security check is a specialty of mine. and in that regard, I have a genuine treat for you today!

The Tim Channel’s open source gaming division is proud to announce the release of Thunderf00t “Unlimited Edition” Girlyban Bingo!

If it is even half as popular as The Tim Channel optical science division release of a free downloadable Iphone Flashlight App in 2010, then the limits of the internet backbone are about to be stress tested fer reals!  The BEST part?  You don’t even have to IMAGINE “hacking” into a semi-secure private LIST-SERVE to get it!!

Select your favorite “Thunderfoot Banned” post from among the following Girlyban FTBullies bloggers (or pick one of you own special favorites!)  The posts I offer below simply save you some Google time, and offer a representative sample.:

Ed Brayton’s outrage. I never met the guy, but he shares the name of one of my favorite talking television horses. There is also the uncanny “likeness factor” which makes it an even easier meme to remember (my apologies to horses everywhere).  It would have better for Mr Ed B if he would have even pretended to speak out the same end as the Mr. Ed from TV.

That was then:

Al Stefanelli’s screed.  Again, somebody I am quite unfamiliar with, though reading his bio, it is clear that his recent foray away from skeptical writing and into the world of fiction has had consequences beyond those of his control.  Another highly plausible explanation for Big Al’s “Thunderf00t HaterAde Jam Session”  is jealousy over Thunderf00ts magnificent good looks Mr. Stefanelli definitely has a face made for radio.  Also, would somebody buy these guys a razor?  I am beginning to see a trend.

This is now:

Jen McCreight’s rant.  I was kinda aware of her existence before the formal introduction and forced insertion of  Girlyban “tech” into the Skeptic movement. One of the more prominent of the whacko Girlyban contingent, she is well received within the group, notwithstanding her total lack of facial hair (only her hairdresser knows for sure).

Zinnia Jones take on the need for “back-channel” private communications, a topic that she likely came to know through true life experiences..  Totally unknown to me before “MailingListGate”, she bills herself as the Queen of Atheism, but doesn’t say if that was before or after the sex change.  To save her needless extra grief, I will truncate her bio with the observation that mixing an interest in trans-humanism with a love for pet rats is a recipe for disaster.  In a recent issue of Law Enforcement Daily, this profile photo of her was voted “most likely to be confused as a mug shot”.  You may find her “The assumed primacy of penis-in-vagina sex” on Youtube explains more than you want to know.  “Simulacrum” makes a cameo appearance in there somewhere.  So much win!

Rules of the Game

Each player needs their own physical copy of the screed selected from the Thunderf00t  slam fest articles linked above.   All players use the same text and comments.  Texts can be changed between rounds.  Each player will also need an official Girlyban Bingo playing sheet – Thunderf00t edition. (click for full size version)

You may simply mark out the squares with a highlighter, or you can print out the official Girlyban Bingo Cover Buttons to use instead.  Right about now I wish I still had access to an office laminating machine that I could hack into.

Game play is based on regular bingo, but in place of bingo balls, you will be checking off bingo square words in response to seeing those words in the selected text. All players are required to start at the top of the selected FTB text, making off (on both FTB text and the official Girlyban Bingo Card, the words that match the Bingo squares. Everybody plays from the same text and marks the words on the text with a highlighter as well as the associated word on the Girlyban Bingo card.  Luck is replaced by your ability to scan the text and comments quickly.

First person to get a row, column, or horizontal line completed shouts “LOGIC” instead of Bingo.  Winners Girlyban Bingo card can be checked against the players printed text to see that they actually located all the correct winning words.  Prize for winners is up to player discretion.

The use of alcohol based intoxicants during game play is not only legal, but encouraged.  Think of it as an internal douche to help stave off the inevitable Girlyban butthurt of wading though all those FTBullie posts.

Enjoy.

Testing Theories

There are some competing theories bouncing around the skeptical blogosphere concerning security for women at conferences.  Rebecca Watson, aka Skepchick, made some very public claims concerning the safety of women at skeptic-atheist conferences, and there is some seemingly solid reporting, that female attendance at these conferences is way down.

One point raised as a reason for feminine drop in attendance is the false impression of insecurity that the Skepchick over-promotion and hype on Elevator Guy started last year, and now apparently extends to infinity and beyond as well.  Welcome to FTB, Thunderf00t!!

Let’s examine two possible future skeptic conference advertising strategies just to see how they might play out in actual practice.

Option One.  (Lubricant not provided)

What the world needs now ISN’T love sweet love.  No indeed.  What the world needs now are sexual harassment policies at atheist conventions.  That’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.

Henceforth, we shall only advertise skeptic events with a minimum of 50% of all our advertising stressing and highlighting our forward-thinking sexual harassment policies.  We’re gonna do this not just because we aren’t dicks (or that we’ve been sufficiently butt-hurt by the Girlyban Gasbaggers), but because we want to get as many women to participate in our events as possible.

Predictive analysis:  Our advertising is successful and we attract even more emotionally and sexually immature females to join our group.  Overheard at future conference, “You want a peek at my voluptuous neurosis or did you really just want to share a cup of coffee?”

Option Two. (Burning JeebusMan)

We advertise our events as being as close to a good old fashioned Roman orgy as you can get without the invention of a time machine.  Burning Man without the sand.  Thinking outside the box, maybe we even book it at a Vegas Hotel.  Nothing says P A R T Y like a nice Vegas Hotel.  We warn all women who dare to come that they should expect an overabundance of nerdy, yet horny science geeks, with more testosterone than common sense.  Make sure to highlight that many of the male participants will be coming directly out of the social development womb of their parents basements and heading directly to the casino bars, where they will be dulling their already blunted social acumen by consuming copious amounts of alcohol.  Be sue to point out that for all their sexual braggadocio, these guys are easy to pussy-whip into compliance, and being above average intelligence, often make productive mates and good fathers.   In other words, honesty in advertising.

Predictive analysis:  A successful conclusion to such an ad strategy could result in a huge increase in female attendance, The kind of females most likely to respond to such an appeal would be free-spirited hippie chicks with limited inhibitions and toothy smiles.   We sell more tickets to women and men.  Attendance goes through the roof.

Enjoy.