Crotch-O-Matic 360

The Crotch-O-Matic 360

Shown mounted here on a stylish Gucci belt.

Great news for the well-connected male skeptic or atheist conference going aficionado!

Product Development Background

PZ Myers and his #AtheismPlus accusation brigade have made it abundantly clear that if you don’t toenail paint their party line you’re to be treated with all the dignity and respect afforded an apostate Scientologist.

Don’t feel bad if you’re having trouble keeping up with the list of acclaimed male skeptics and Nobel prize winning physicists being named by the #AtheismPlus accusation brigade. There have been so many slandered and libeled in so many different permutations, you can hardly be expected to keep track. The degree of human warpage at work here is more than enough to boggle the minds of the world’s top contortionists.

At this point, I think the only prominent male skeptic they’ve failed to accuse of rape is Stephen Hawking, and if I were him I’d be real dam careful which buttons and switches I activated from here-on-out.

Fighting Anonymous Threats

Anonymous people are being given extreme prominence on what was once considered the world’s most heavily trafficked SCIENCE blog on the internet. A blog that has (sadly) morphed into an internet silo of blue haired, misshapen girls in sundresses and hippy jewelry.

Their leader is a corpulent unshaven mental maniac named PZ Myers, the most unlikely female figurehead since, forever.

Because their hate and animosity towards men will never be satiated, now they’re developing (actually polishing up) their latest offensive threat against the vast hoard of unwashed and rape-determined #flirty men of science and skepticism.

This could be your last chance to upgrade your personal line of character defense before the dreaded American Girlyban Smack-O-Matic SuperDeluxe 9000 hits the streets.

Bottom Line

Unless you’re one of the most notably impotent men of science, your reputation is seriously at risk. But don’t despair. There is hope on the horizon.

Introducing the Crotch-o-Matic 360

The creative minds at The Tim Channel’s Integrity Protection Division have once again gone above and beyond the call of duty by designing the ultimate device in twenty four hour rape innuendo and threat protection!

Defensive Capabilities

This high tech and stylish device is meant to double as a belt buckle and be worn anytime you are in a social situation where you could later be accused of rape (i.e. anytime you’re around a women). The Crotch-o-Matic 360 auto records a comprehensive fisheye view of your immediate environs anytime the infrared optical sensor (or phermone detection circuitry*) calculates a female within six feet (two meters) of your perimeter.

*This device has the ability to sniff out hidden females better than “good ole Blood” in A Boy and His Dog, although there’s no guarantee your denouement will be as joyful as the one in this movie. IOW, Dog not included.

The Crotch-o-Matic captures full 1080P video at 60FPS , synchronous audio.,GPS location data, as well as time and date metadata for later retrieval by your legal team (in the ever likely event you’re falsely accused of a rape). You’re literally wearing your alibi.

Offensive Capabilities

Not content to just let our upper level male skeptic leaders passively record their dangerous confrontations with women, the unit can also double as an effective female repellent by emitting extremely high freqency squeals totally inaudible to any male over the age of 15 but exceeding grating to most women.

It’s a widely known fact that men lose high frequency hearing much earlier than women, what with all the testosterone damage and heavy metal concert attendance. Just look at Justin Vacula if you need a contemporary example.

Just push the panic button, clearly visible protruding from the side of the Crotch-o-Matic 360. (The smaller button handles power and bluetooth syncing to your smart device for auto uploading your data in realtime to our exclusive Rage Lockerz cloud storage.)

As an added bonus, the user has the option of selecting intermittent burping and farting noises, as these have also shown to be extremely effective deterrents to the approach of random females.

Rage Lockerz

Just enough storage space is provided in our free bundled cloud storage data package that you can possibly scrape by without upgrading to our paid service (if you purge your data every 15 minutes). For a few dollars a month we’ll upgrade you to an amount of storage that’s actually fit to use with our product.

*Headband mount available for height-challenged male skeptics so they won’t get accused of trying to capture pix under Sally’s mini-skirt.

**Reader @snakepliskinist has complained about the passive nature of the device.  He fears it may be too subtle.  He suggests some offensive improvements that may be added to the next iteration of the device.  Information on the development of the KillaRapeThreat SuperDeluxe 9001 will be made available as soon as engineering updates me on their progress.

Enjoy.

Countdown to Ecstasy

In the frenzied perimeter surrounding ground zero in Morris Minnesota (Outside the Dome), speculation on the PZ Myers-Michael Shermer bout, (The Fumble in The Jungle) is all the “news” there is right now,   Over at PZ’s site, he’s gone incommunicado.  He’s busy peddling his new book, The Unhinged Happy Atheist, and is also distracted by having to pick all the chunks of “cease and desist” out of his beard that #flirty (drunken) rapist Michael Shermer spewed all over it.

All we can know for sure is that today is the “drop dead” day cited by Mr. Shermer’s legal counsel to retract the original post and delete the accompanying 26,378 (guesstimate) negative libelous comments accumulated to date .  On top of all that, there’s the expected formal apology requirement that I noted in yesterdays post.

Of all the anticipated cooperative dispensations demanded, my favorite is the one that requires PZ Myers is to immediately start swinging off Mr. Shermer’s balls like a trapeze monkey at a sideshow carnival.  In other words, something that PZ is already fully qualified to accomplish.

In the meantime, some guy (@mykeru) living in his mom’s basement cramped attic has gone though all the trouble of constructing a PZ Countdown Clock that is ticking off the remaining time before PZ Myers is in full violation of the cease and desist order.  It’s showing around twelve hours remaining at the time of this post.  In the interest of stretching my Shameful Non Self Promotion out a bit longer than it took Rebecca Watson to deflate a horny apparition in an Irish elevator AND as an electronic reach-around to all the other guys trapped in their mom’s basement attic, here is the link to the countdown clock.

Links to all my previous American Girlyban goodness (click pix to open) for you to read while keeping one eye firmly glued to the countdown clock:

Gasbaggers of the American Girlyban

Attack of the American Girlyban

Girlyban Scrapbook

Dear Atheism Plus

Marginalizing Misfits

Tater Twits

Straining for Credibility

Girlyban Bingo

As always, those without mice support will miss roll-over popup hovers, the atheist “easter eggs” I like to include on hyperlinks and pix.

Edited to credit @Mykeru for wankery above and beyond the call of duty.

Enjoy.

Pawning PZ Myers

I’ve been following the car wreck of PZ Myers “career” choices with shock and amazement.  My interest has definitely been renewed since his slanderous post attacking Michael Shermer the other day.  Of special concern to me is how Mr. Shermer would react to the hairy fatman slinging monkey feces all over the inter webs.  We’ve all been wondering for quite some time who would rid us of this meddlesome pzPriest.  In case any of you hadn’t yet heard, Mikey did it!!

Late last night (here in Europe) I noticed that PZ had a post about receiving a cease and desist letter from Shermer’s lawyer.  Rather than read it last night, I decided to set it aside as a breakfast treat.  Imagine my surprise and dissapointent when I woke up this morning, eager to dive into the gory details, only to find that PZ had pulled the complaint he received from Shermer’s lawyer out of his post!!

Just like the Mormon apologists I blogged about not long ago, PZ must have figured the letter from Shermer’s lawyer contained too much factual information negative to his personal jihad against Michael Shermer, and just like the case of the attempted Mormon coverup, probably didn’t count on the fact somebody would grab the document and mirror it elsewhere.  To make a long story short, I made quick work of locating the “scrubbed” doc and as such we all get to bask in the savory glow of PZ’s schadenfreude.

To be fair to PZ, the letter from Shermer’s lawyer, replete with facts, doesn’t really “fit” into the phantasm of the narrative that PZ has constructed around his frenzied imaginations of atheist get-togethers as nothing more than a perpetual Skeptic’s Sodom and Gomorrah Carnival Show.  Here’s just a taste of the karmic goodness that awaits those who download and read the entire six page PDF:

Contains numerous false and defamatory statements about Mr. Shermer based on certain unsubstantiated allegations purportedly made by an unidentified woman against Mr. Shermer. These statements are completely false, inaccurate and intentionally misleading in that they are intended to suggest that Mr. Shermer had forced this unidentified woman into sexual intercourse without her consent, and that he somehow “raped” her or is a sexual predator who would coerce women into nonconsensual sexual intercourse. Your statements in the Entry, including original statements, update and comments, to the entry to be false, inaccurate, intentionally misleading libelous, and these statements were designed to seriously damage Mr. Shermer’s name,reputation and character in the science community and elsewhere, and to humiliate Mr. Shermer.

The document also makes very specific demands of PZ. In addition to removing the offending content (and 4000 associated comments to date) there’s this chunk of cactus for PZ to choke down; Shermer’s lawyer is quite specific as to what is expected of PZ.  He is ordered to post the following statement on his website:

“I retract the original posted on August 8, 2013, entitled “What do you do when someone pulls the pin and hands you a grenade?” (the Entry). Specifically, I hereby retract all statements, quotations, and comments therein made with respect to Mr. Shermer. I extend my apologies to Mr. Sherman  any to any other party affected by the statements, quotations, and comments contained in the Entry.”

Now I’m off to tend to my horses and get some microwave popcorn (not really that easy to find here in Germany btw).  I’m gonna need it for the show that I expect will begin shortly after America wakes up and realizes that The Rumble in the Mumble is now fully underway.

Quick note to those reading this post on an iOS device or other mouse limited device.  You’re missing all the goodness of the Hoverjoy rollovers I place on most photos and links.

Enjoy.

Shameful Non Self Promotion

Just wanted to take a quick minute to point my readers in the direction of several other bloggers who have also taken the time to comment on the PZ Myers #DickiLeaks rape allegations aimed at Michael Shermer.

I’m pretty sure that Myers will escape any libel charges by hiding behind the skirt of Larry Flynt’s Supreme Court ruling making it nearly impossible for a public person to sue for libel damages.

We’ve reached the point of epistemic closure on the #atheimplus movement when they have to hide behind the skirt of the world’s most notorious pornographer to do their own scatological ramblings.

What Honest Skeptics Think of PZ’s Actions

First off, Mr. Shermer himself.  His not-so-cryptic tweet from yesterday. You’re gonna want to click on that picture to see the Saturday Night Live skit he’s referencing.:

I want to take a minute here and add my opinion on how I think Mr. Shermer should respond going forward.  Ignore and mock the troglodytes at PZ’s house of diminishing returns.  Have his lawyer shoot off an email to National Geographic inquiring as to their standards of operations.

Somebody find that info on Nat Geo contact and tweet it to me.  Don’t make me have to get all #flirty with you.  Need I remind you that there’s limited seating for disciples in the 66 VW microbus?  Don’t let that put any pressure on you.

Thunderf00t, doing yet another masterful takedown in his series on the whacked out women of #Atheismplus.  This one is a real treat.

Al Stefanelli, who chose to distance himself very early on from the flagrantly abusive actions of #AtheismPlus and their American Girlyban terrorist cult:

This is not ‘bringing to light‘ a problem in the skeptic community. It is not an attempt to reveal some sort of dark underbelly of rampant sexual abuse that permeates the skeptic conference circuit. It is yellow journalism, if I even dare to use the word ‘journalism‘ in connection to anything that has come out of Pharyngula for quite some time. Full article here.

Atheist Revolution speculates on PZ Myers motives:

It is difficult for me to imagine that someone without a history of conflict with Shermer would jump the gun like this in a public disclosure that seems calculated to harm his reputation. It is similarly difficult to imagine that PZ would have done this had the accused been someone with whom he had no prior conflict. Full article here.

RDUBWILEY, adds another YouTube video bemoaning the anonymous nature of the PZ’s rape charges against Shermer:

 Here’s blogger/cartoonist (The Pigman) doing what cartoonists do:

Here’s another bit of analysis dripping with enough disgust to make the cut.  (h/t @esaboojam) From the Skeptic Ink Network:

When I first lacerated Myers and Watson and their ilk, people were surprised at my vehemence and wondered whether I was not going too far.  Well, now you see why.  I knew the sort of people they were, and are, and I knew that no compromise was possible.  Full article here.

Mr. Myers just updated his blog post with even more damning “evidence” that Mr. Shermer is a serial rapist.  I won’t link to it because I don’t link to pornography on this blog, but here’s the accusation (another mystery woman – the elevator must be getting pretty crowded by now?):

Michael Shermer helped get me drunker than I normally get, and was a bit flirty.

Seriously?  A bit flirty?  OMG, call the cops.  Oops, I forgot.  The American Girlyban are on record pointing out how the cops don’t help them.  They’ve all but accused the police force of passing them around the precinct re-raping them while uploading it to YouTube.

If the latest anonymous accuser had taken her complaints to the cops, they would have informed her that there is no law against “flirty behavior” and likely would have tossed her ass in the slammer for public intoxication, thus verifying the fact that the cops don’t give a dam about women.

I’m sure my list of those who strongly dissent with Mr. Myers is not comprehensive.  Others may want to add content in the comments section or just forward links to me through my Twitter account @thetimchannel.

Edited to add stuff. Don’t complain. It won’t cost you any more than you’ve already paid.

Enjoy.

Raping Atheists

PZ (me me me) Myers

PZ Myers, an otherwise nondescript science professor at a Minnesota college closer to the Arctic Circle than Hollywood, has instead sought fame through a series of ongoing (and increasingly outlandish) public spectacles that he dutifully documents in his “science” blog, Pharyngula.

I’m not linking to his blog for the same reasons I don’t link to Rush Limbaugh (or Kirk Cameron).  I suggest you get your fill of science news elsewhere, from people like Lawrence Krauss, Michael Shermer, James Randi, Richard Dawkins or Richard Wiseman, whose contributions to spreading the tenets of science, skepticism and reason make PZ’s sideshow act pale in comparison.  They all have more interesting and relevant science content that PZ could ever hope for.

Whether one agrees with Mr. Myers point of view is irrelevant to the observation that his method of delivery often mixes the best aspects of a Barnum and Bailey sideshow act with the worst elements of a Pentecostal tent revival sermon.  There’s never anything subtle in Myer’s attempts to grab the spotlight.

After all, who doesn’t enjoy seeing a picture of a fat man riding a plastic dinosaur?  It’s not as funny as if he’d have just done a profile shot of himself sitting at his keyboard, but it caught enough attention to make people notice back at the time. 

PZ Hit His Peak

Whether he’s debasing misappropriated Catholic communion wafers by crucifying them on discarded banana peels, or illegally sneaking a ride on the children’s fiberglass dinosaurs at Ken Ham’s Creation Science Museum (top) for a trendy photo-op, Mr Myers love of the spotlight is a compulsion of his that’s hard to miss.

Those Were The Good Old Days

To be fair, the events highlighted above are rapidly receding into the past, nearly as forgotten as the torture regime Bush installed into our military operations manual.  The glow of glory Mr Myers basked in during those heady days of open apostacy are fading.  He’s gotten rather complacent and a little lazy, sitting around with the girls of #AtheismPlus (aka American Girlyban) where he’s hand fed grapes and fanned by drooling Skepchicks.

A man tends to lose his edge if he spends every weekend braiding hair and painting the toenails of fawning college groupies.  Whocouldanode?

Have You Read PZ’s Book?

Myers’ first book, The Only Happy Atheist, will be published by Random House in August, 2013.  He’d certainly have gotten more traction with it if he’d released it back when he was considered relevant, but back then there were grapes to eat and toenails to be painted.  Cut the guy some slack ferchrissakes!   I’m sure he has been wondering how he could grab another five minutes of fame to coincide with his book release, and given the fact that Geraldo Rivera already unearthed Al Capone’s vault (or was it Truman Capote’s?), PZ’s options are limited.

Rather than grab a shovel and go in search of Jimmy Hoffa (might get sweaty), PZ has apparently settled on a new media strategy involving making unsubstantiated claims of serial rape against Michael Shermer.  After a similar attack on the character of Lawrence Krauss (by one of his American Girlyban minion) was brought to the attention of Mr. Krauss’ attorney a few weeks ago, the Free Thought Bog bullies were forced to refocus their attempts to defame a different detractor of their so-called new atheist movement.

In the instance of the misguided attack on Mr. Krauss, the offending content containing the slanderous innuendos about him was pulled off the Heretics Website where they were originally posted because they violated heretic’s guidelines.  Holy shit, how far have you fallen when your content is considered too heretical for a heretic publication?

The terrorists at the American Girlyban headquarters in Morris Minnesota, just smart enough to be able to read a cease and desist order, had to find another patsy posthaste.

Mr. Shermer just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Richard Dawkins made the simple mistake of calling out Rebecca Watson for her lunatic rantings back during Elevatorgate.  Mr. Shermer, as of late, has been fairly critical of the #Atheismplus movement himself.  Under the rules that the #atheismplus movement has adopted (from Scientology), Mr. Shermer is now fair game.  PZ has a book to sell.

Enjoy.