Girlyban Bingo

Recently updated to include information on Al Stefanelli fall from grace change of mind concerning the Girlyban contingent takeover of FTB.

Cranking out content faster than Ryan or Romney can grab your granny’s social security check is a specialty of mine. and in that regard, I have a genuine treat for you today!

The Tim Channel’s open source gaming division is proud to announce the release of Thunderf00t “Unlimited Edition” Girlyban Bingo!

If it is even half as popular as The Tim Channel optical science division release of a free downloadable Iphone Flashlight App in 2010, then the limits of the internet backbone are about to be stress tested fer reals!  The BEST part?  You don’t even have to IMAGINE “hacking” into a semi-secure private LIST-SERVE to get it!!

Select your favorite “Thunderfoot Banned” post from among the following Girlyban FTBullies bloggers (or pick one of you own special favorites!)  The posts I offer below simply save you some Google time, and offer a representative sample.:

Ed Brayton’s outrage. I never met the guy, but he shares the name of one of my favorite talking television horses. There is also the uncanny “likeness factor” which makes it an even easier meme to remember (my apologies to horses everywhere).  It would have better for Mr Ed B if he would have even pretended to speak out the same end as the Mr. Ed from TV.

That was then:

Al Stefanelli’s screed.  Again, somebody I am quite unfamiliar with, though reading his bio, it is clear that his recent foray away from skeptical writing and into the world of fiction has had consequences beyond those of his control.  Another highly plausible explanation for Big Al’s “Thunderf00t HaterAde Jam Session”  is jealousy over Thunderf00ts magnificent good looks Mr. Stefanelli definitely has a face made for radio.  Also, would somebody buy these guys a razor?  I am beginning to see a trend.

This is now:

Jen McCreight’s rant.  I was kinda aware of her existence before the formal introduction and forced insertion of  Girlyban “tech” into the Skeptic movement. One of the more prominent of the whacko Girlyban contingent, she is well received within the group, notwithstanding her total lack of facial hair (only her hairdresser knows for sure).

Zinnia Jones take on the need for “back-channel” private communications, a topic that she likely came to know through true life experiences..  Totally unknown to me before “MailingListGate”, she bills herself as the Queen of Atheism, but doesn’t say if that was before or after the sex change.  To save her needless extra grief, I will truncate her bio with the observation that mixing an interest in trans-humanism with a love for pet rats is a recipe for disaster.  In a recent issue of Law Enforcement Daily, this profile photo of her was voted “most likely to be confused as a mug shot”.  You may find her “The assumed primacy of penis-in-vagina sex” on Youtube explains more than you want to know.  “Simulacrum” makes a cameo appearance in there somewhere.  So much win!

Rules of the Game

Each player needs their own physical copy of the screed selected from the Thunderf00t  slam fest articles linked above.   All players use the same text and comments.  Texts can be changed between rounds.  Each player will also need an official Girlyban Bingo playing sheet – Thunderf00t edition. (click for full size version)

You may simply mark out the squares with a highlighter, or you can print out the official Girlyban Bingo Cover Buttons to use instead.  Right about now I wish I still had access to an office laminating machine that I could hack into.

Game play is based on regular bingo, but in place of bingo balls, you will be checking off bingo square words in response to seeing those words in the selected text. All players are required to start at the top of the selected FTB text, making off (on both FTB text and the official Girlyban Bingo Card, the words that match the Bingo squares. Everybody plays from the same text and marks the words on the text with a highlighter as well as the associated word on the Girlyban Bingo card.  Luck is replaced by your ability to scan the text and comments quickly.

First person to get a row, column, or horizontal line completed shouts “LOGIC” instead of Bingo.  Winners Girlyban Bingo card can be checked against the players printed text to see that they actually located all the correct winning words.  Prize for winners is up to player discretion.

The use of alcohol based intoxicants during game play is not only legal, but encouraged.  Think of it as an internal douche to help stave off the inevitable Girlyban butthurt of wading though all those FTBullie posts.

Enjoy.

Panic in the Trenches

The pearl clutching panic among the FTB Girlyban conspirators is still going full bore.  Not since that billionaire dick (Koch) was caught giving a fiscal reach-around to those global warming deniers, have so many loud-mouthed public blowhards been so afraid of having their insider conspiracy exposed.  The degree of anticipatory fear shown by the  #FTBullies  (that Thunderf00t might actually do the kind of document dumping that makes me proud of Bradley Manning), has me wondering if Thunderf00t is actually sitting on equally explosive information.  It is just as likely that they are freaking out because they are afraid Thunderf00t will release their secret “brownie” recipes.  It would be imprudent not to speculate.


Not enough resolution to determine if jewelry passes the Surly Amy standards of acceptable public display.

For all their over-the-top brouhaha, the FTBullies are fun to watch and mock.  It isn’t everyday that you can witness intellectual or cultural evolution of this magnitude in real time!!  We were all getting totally “mocked out” on creationists and religious apologists anyway.  Even the sight of PZ dry humping Ken Ham’s fiberglass Dino-donky was starting to fade in allure.  And then there was this:


The Bukkake Factory is considering suing her for trademark violations.

You know what I’m telling you is true because back in the old days (before BigPappa fell under the spell of the red-headed hippie chick above), we used to have real cohesive internet social gatherings.

Holy Christ on a Cracker!,how I long for the good old days when a certified sacrament of questionable moral acquisition could be openly desecrated by BigPappa to the delight of all skeptics.

I blame the presence of so many jack-booted Girlyban enforcers, heavily armed with their intimidating “douche detectors”  for harshing the mellow of the entire movement.  There isn’t enough Preparation H available on the entire planet to stem the massive output of “butthurt” being spewed by the hyper-vigilant  SHE ORG division of Girlybantology Inc.


I would be too busy spending money to blog if I had the presence of mind to go bullish on hemorrhoid cushions early last year.

In my wildest dreams, I never imagined having a front row seat to a New Century religious movement that blended (tiny) bits of rationalism, Scientology, secrecy, radical feminism, Fox TV “debating” techniques, Muslim fanaticism and hero worship; all in one fell swoop!  Given the breakaway faction’s science geek provenance, it isn’t specially shocking to see them borrowing freely from their more successful peers on the lunatic fringes.  I guess we should count our blessings that they haven’t yet tried to enforce a Klingon-Only language policy at Skepticon or TAM.  That could be a bit much to bear, as the guys are still getting used to the mandatory guyliner applications and hair braiding sessions.

I honestly do regret having to see many great men of skepticism and science slandered (Dawkins, TF, Krauss, Grothe, Hitchens, ElevatorGuy…) while simultaneously witnessing former giants of our movement toilet-hugging drunk on their power (PZ, Dillahunty).

Enjoy.

Truth Being Raped

I suffered through this Girlyban Gasbagger’s hour long wank-fest because, as an unofficial member of the super secret Atheist CIA, I feel I have a responsibility to shoulder even the most obnoxious missions on behalf of our (dis)organization.   If you are wondering, but don’t have time for the video, I have the answer to the question I know most of you are curious about, and the answer is YES! YES! YES!  Did you really think Rebecca Watson could participate in this conversation WITHOUT mentioning her USA TODAY exposure?  Maybe Oprah will call her next?

People often come to me for my opinions on issues because I have a better than average ability for seeing through bullshit.  I was doing drive-time radio in Jackson MS when Bush was throwing all that WMD bullshit against the wall. CALLED BUSH A LIAR on the air and right FROM THE START.  My volunteer unpaid radio gig was only allowed to continue (unlike say Bill Mahr) because the rightwing station owners favored profits (from my “controversial” style and lack of remuneration) over knee-jerk patriotism.  But I digress.

I called bullshit on Skepchick when she went “100% Girlyban gasbag” on Richard Dawkins for his accurate early assessments concerning the nakedness of said Empress. There was an associated and coordinated Girlyban assault on Lawrence Krauss at that time, for his “failure” to presume guilt before trial that was particularly hard to stomach.

I wrote a bit of excellent satire on the matter back during the nostalgic days of Elevator Guy.  I foolishly thought that FACTS would quickly be brought out and the feminist usurpers of skepticism wouldn’t be allowed to continue derailing and sniping FROM WITHIN prominent perches of the organization.  They might have been properly marginalized back then, if not for the support of an obviously aging (and increasingly deranged-syphilis?) PZ Myers.

The cognitive dissonance so many of us are having to deal with right now in trying to square the circle in finding a rationale for PZ to continue faithfully following Brother John Birch Skepchick is difficult to witness.

I would be lying if I told you that I would ever have imagined a day when so many of us are left scratching our heads and thinking, “What the fuck happened to PZ?”   The only guy in recent history I can remember who garnered such negative press within the skeptic community is some unidentified male with a penchant for coffee who happened to cross paths with Rebecca Watson in a hotel elevator (after she pried her drunken ass out of the hotel bar and staggered off to her room at 4a.m.).  That poor (imagined?) bastard at the elevator didn’t sign up for the abuse he got, but that definitely isn’t the case with PZ Myers these days.  One of the links above leads to a theory that PZ is being blackmailed by Watson because PZ is the unidentified creepy elevator guy!!  Dam if it doesn’t make more sense than the crap PZ is spewing these days!!

Creepy Elevator Guy’s imagined physical rape by Girlyban leader Rebecca Watson is much less obnoxious to my soul than the reality of PZ Myers continuing to try to intellectually mind rape us all (while simultaneously trying to make us (like Sarah Palin) pay for our own rape kits).

Enjoy.

Testing Theories

There are some competing theories bouncing around the skeptical blogosphere concerning security for women at conferences.  Rebecca Watson, aka Skepchick, made some very public claims concerning the safety of women at skeptic-atheist conferences, and there is some seemingly solid reporting, that female attendance at these conferences is way down.

One point raised as a reason for feminine drop in attendance is the false impression of insecurity that the Skepchick over-promotion and hype on Elevator Guy started last year, and now apparently extends to infinity and beyond as well.  Welcome to FTB, Thunderf00t!!

Let’s examine two possible future skeptic conference advertising strategies just to see how they might play out in actual practice.

Option One.  (Lubricant not provided)

What the world needs now ISN’T love sweet love.  No indeed.  What the world needs now are sexual harassment policies at atheist conventions.  That’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.

Henceforth, we shall only advertise skeptic events with a minimum of 50% of all our advertising stressing and highlighting our forward-thinking sexual harassment policies.  We’re gonna do this not just because we aren’t dicks (or that we’ve been sufficiently butt-hurt by the Girlyban Gasbaggers), but because we want to get as many women to participate in our events as possible.

Predictive analysis:  Our advertising is successful and we attract even more emotionally and sexually immature females to join our group.  Overheard at future conference, “You want a peek at my voluptuous neurosis or did you really just want to share a cup of coffee?”

Option Two. (Burning JeebusMan)

We advertise our events as being as close to a good old fashioned Roman orgy as you can get without the invention of a time machine.  Burning Man without the sand.  Thinking outside the box, maybe we even book it at a Vegas Hotel.  Nothing says P A R T Y like a nice Vegas Hotel.  We warn all women who dare to come that they should expect an overabundance of nerdy, yet horny science geeks, with more testosterone than common sense.  Make sure to highlight that many of the male participants will be coming directly out of the social development womb of their parents basements and heading directly to the casino bars, where they will be dulling their already blunted social acumen by consuming copious amounts of alcohol.  Be sue to point out that for all their sexual braggadocio, these guys are easy to pussy-whip into compliance, and being above average intelligence, often make productive mates and good fathers.   In other words, honesty in advertising.

Predictive analysis:  A successful conclusion to such an ad strategy could result in a huge increase in female attendance, The kind of females most likely to respond to such an appeal would be free-spirited hippie chicks with limited inhibitions and toothy smiles.   We sell more tickets to women and men.  Attendance goes through the roof.

Enjoy.

Hide the Weenie

Today’s post is a reflection on something that is rolling around the feminist arena that deals with in-group discrimination tactics.  In this instance the vocal nutjob of the organization isn’t Skepchick trying to artificially define or manipulate male-female interactions to her whims. In the MadFem variant of perverse reverse sexism, they are trying to set rules on in-group definitions to keep out male transgenders.  Only girls “born that way” need apply.  I know.  Seemed pretty easy to figure out when I was a kid way back when.  It is a lot more complicated these days, but by now I thought every forward thinking progressive had decided that if you are committed enough to have your weenie whacked, choke down enough estrogen to give you bigger breasts than an aging Ron Jeremy, and go through a certain level of psychiatric song and dance, you pretty much qualified as a girl.

Here’s more details for the strong stomached (h/t Scented Nectar);

There was supposed to be a RadFem2012 conference in the UK, in July, with Sheila Jefferies who is very vocal about hating trans women. Conway Hall, the place that they rented for it, recently told them that the deal is off. Why? These feminists broke the Terms and Conditions regarding issues of discrimination by having anti-trans speakers. Conway Hall does not rent to hate speakers.

Turns out that even castration and sexual reassignment surgery isn’t enough to distance oneself from the taint of your former maleness in the minds of RadFem.  Holy shit, what’s a guy gotta do to fit in with these RadFem freaks?  Pat on the back to Conway Hall.

Skepchick just wants you to keep your mouth shut and pretend not to look at her tits (and ferchrissakes keep your perverted desires to yourself you over-caffeinated sex machines!).  Compare that to these RadFem bitches who won’t even let a dickless chick attend their Hissy Fit Convention.  Wow!, and did you know a lot of Black folks don’t recognize the disconnect between hating homos even when they have been victims of discrimination themselves?  I dunno why that came to mind, but it seems somehow tangentially relevant.

RadFem will find a convention hall that is more interested in money than human decency.  They ought to bring their freak show to the USA and compete with the gay hating crank preacher.

RadFem, check with Mitt Romney.  I think he owns Marriott.  He is Mormon, but they make exceptions for sex freaks at their hotels so they can overcharge for PPV porn in the rooms.  Does your organization hate gays in general?  I dunno, but that would be a bonus and not a bug for a Mormon.

The most outspoken of the dickless chick haters, who I perceive as the RadFem equivalent of Skepchick “leader” Rebecca Watson is apparently this Sheila Jeffreys woman, was rumored to have been overheard muttering;

Who the hell wants a bunch of butchered up butch chicks invading our conference in the first place?  Those wanna be bastard-esses have enormous feet and the RadFem toenail polish budget is already strained to the breaking point.  Have they no sympathy or compassion at all for a true Sista?

For the record, here’s a couple of pictures of the aforementioned Sheila Jeffreys (spelling corrected), the woman with the most hate for these large toed monsters and their freakishly enormous Adam’s apples:

One can clearly see the need for a leader like Msss. Jeffreys not wanting to butch-ify up the organization any more than she does.

I would LOVE to know where the GASbaggers (Girlyban Apologetic Society jargon-Dam Dawkins and his meme virus) comes down on this issue. Where do they stand on the issue of chicks formerly with dicks? I have no problem with dickless chicks (most I know) or chicks formerly with dicks (so long as they keep it in their pants…uh.?..,), but I got real problems with dickless chicks ACTING like pricks. There is some serious God dam poetry, haiku or free verse in there. Fuckin’ pay attention people!

Girls of GAS works for me too. Sassy Ass Bitches of GAS kinda rolls off the tongue. Hey I’m open to suggestions. You outta see some of the ones I get already!! I got girls writing me all the time. OH Yeah!. It’s well past the 80’s and I’m down with the ladies… But I digress.

Something to talk about around the misogynist male water cooler when you get tired of trying to catch a side boob sneak peak at one of the many assorted sideshow Skepfreaks.  Thank me later.

I once speculated that after leaving office, torture enthusiast and noted Bin-Laden-determined-to-attack-American denying, Condi Rice might go to work for CHRISTTT, because she had so much mainstream religous rightwing religotard support. You do know CHRISTTT, don’t you?

Don’t feel bad if you don’t, because it is an imaginary place I created for satirical purposes based on an imaginary guy created for satirical purposes, so you are….uh…forgiven.

Center Heading Research In Support of Torturing Toddler’s Testicles

Holy CHRISTTT!  Their mission;  If there’s one thing imaginary satirical Jeebus hates more than anything, it’s the children of the world. Red and Yellow, Black and White, their tender dangling nubbins are in for a fright!

And for the record, (ok, and maybe even make the GASbaggers/Girls of GAS(?..evolving) MORE nervous) even an accused douche-bag like me is not twisted enough to have imagined up the perverse sexual tortures John Yoo LEGALLY authorized…against children. These girls are worried about a bunch of drunken frat boys mixed in a casino convention crowd and sick fucks like Yoo are teaching college in CA (last I noticed) and I hardly hear anybody mentioning it anymore.  Seems more important somehow in the scale of things.

Keep the Unfaith

Enjoy.