Raping Atheists

PZ (me me me) Myers

Overburdened Dino

PZ Myers, an otherwise nondescript science professor at a Minnesota college closer to the Arctic Circle than Hollywood, has instead sought fame through a series of ongoing (and increasingly outlandish) public spectacles that he dutifully documents in his “science” blog, Pharyngula.

I’m not linking to his blog for the same reasons I don’t link to Rush Limbaugh (or Kirk Cameron).  I suggest you get your fill of science news elsewhere, from people like Lawrence Krauss, Michael Shermer, James Randi, Richard Dawkins or Richard Wiseman, whose contributions to spreading the tenets of science, skepticism and reason make PZ’s sideshow act pale in comparison.  They all have more interesting and relevant science content that PZ could ever hope for.

Circus Act

Whether one agrees with Mr. Myers point of view is irrelevant to the observation that his method of delivery often mixes the best aspects of a Barnum and Bailey sideshow act with the worst elements of a Pentecostal tent revival sermon.  There’s never anything subtle in Myer’s attempts to grab the spotlight.

After all, who doesn’t enjoy seeing a picture of a fat man riding a plastic dinosaur?  It’s not as funny as if he’d have just done a profile shot of himself sitting at his keyboard, but it caught enough attention to make people notice back at the time. 

PZ Hit His Peak

PZ Myers - Keeping it Classy

Whether he’s debasing misappropriated Catholic communion wafers by crucifying them on discarded banana peels, or illegally sneaking a ride on the children’s fiberglass dinosaurs at Ken Ham’s Creation Science Museum (top) for a trendy photo-op, Mr Myers love of the spotlight is a compulsion of his that’s hard to miss.

Those Were The Good Old Days

To be fair, the events highlighted above are rapidly receding into the past, nearly as forgotten as the torture regime Bush installed into our military operations manual.  The glow of glory Mr Myers basked in during those heady days of open apostacy are fading.  He’s gotten rather complacent and a little lazy, sitting around with the girls of #AtheismPlus (aka American Girlyban) where he’s hand fed grapes and fanned by drooling Skepchicks.

A man tends to lose his edge if he spends every weekend braiding hair and painting the toenails of fawning college groupies.  Whocouldanode?

Have You Read PZ’s Book?

Myers’ first book, The Only Happy Atheist, will be published by Random House in August, 2013.  He’d certainly have gotten more traction with it if he’d released it back when he was considered relevant, but back then there were grapes to eat and toenails to be painted.  Cut the guy some slack ferchrissakes!   I’m sure he has been wondering how he could grab another five minutes of fame to coincide with his book release, and given the fact that Geraldo Rivera already unearthed Al Capone’s vault (or was it Truman Capote’s?), PZ’s options are limited.

Rather than grab a shovel and go in search of Jimmy Hoffa (might get sweaty), PZ has apparently settled on a new media strategy involving making unsubstantiated claims of serial rape against Michael Shermer.  After a similar attack on the character of Lawrence Krauss (by one of his American Girlyban minion) was brought to the attention of Mr. Krauss’ attorney a few weeks ago, the Free Thought Bog bullies were forced to refocus their attempts to defame a different detractor of their so-called new atheist movement.

In the instance of the misguided attack on Mr. Krauss, the offending content containing the slanderous innuendos about him was pulled off the Heretics Website where they were originally posted because they violated heretic’s guidelines.  Holy shit, how far have you fallen when your content is considered too heretical for a heretic publication?

The terrorists at the American Girlyban headquarters in Morris Minnesota, just smart enough to be able to read a cease and desist order, had to find another patsy posthaste.

Mr. Shermer just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Richard Dawkins made the simple mistake of calling out Rebecca Watson for her lunatic rantings back during Elevatorgate.  Mr. Shermer, as of late, has been fairly critical of the #Atheismplus movement himself.  Under the rules that the #atheismplus movement has adopted (from Scientology), Mr. Shermer is now fair game.  PZ has a book to sell.

Enjoy.

Mormon Blues 2

Mormon Sadness

Dissecting the Document Dump

The other day, I retrieved and posted a PDF document so embarrasing to the Mormon Church, that the errant Mormon apologist who originally posted it on his blog, “disappeared” it from the web the day after the New York Times hyperlinked to his Mormon Stories website.

It’s a long and tedious document, and one of my lazier readers (h/t Americablog) has requested that I break it down and highlight “the good parts”, something that I had planned to do in the near future anyway. Turns out the near future is today.  I still encourage everyone to read it in it’s entirety, if only to experience first-hand, the long and tedious banality of Mormon religious sophistry and rhetorical apologetics in general.

The PDF transcribes the conversation between high ranking Swedish Mormons and a couple church “historians” (Seal Team Slicks) air-dropped into Sweden from Utah to answer the growing concerns of the Swedes over the origins, history and practices of the Mormon church.  The uninitiated may want to read the first part of my expose’ for more background as well as the original New York Times piece that sent me down this rabbit hole.

For purposes of brevity, I will refer to the Mormon historians as “the Church” and the insolent Swedish parishoners as “the Doubters” or “the Swedes”.  The stage is set:

Event: Special Fireside (marshmallows?) for Disaffected (Uninfected?) Swedish LDS Saints
Speakers: Elder Marlin K. Jensen (LDS Church Historian) and Richard E. Turley Jr. (Assistant Church Historian)
Date: November 28, 2010
Location: Västerhaninge Chapel; Stockholm, Sweden

Opening Remarks – The Church (Information Daze)

It is a day of information, but with that comes the challenge of deciding what information is reliable, what information is true, what information is worthy of basing our life on it. And hopefully tonight we can at least offer some information in a reliable and loving way that will be responsive to some of the questions that you have. 

The bar has been set pretty high IMHO.  Using this standard of historical filtering, we’d never have heard of the Holocaust no matter how many reliable reports we got because it’s definitely not “loving” even if we all agree it’s reliable.  Information that is accurate, yet not worthy of basing our lives on, has also been set aside as suspect.  Now that we have the “rules” on how the Mormon Church defines filters information, let us proceed.

Inconvenient Facts = Work of the Devil

In a rather brazen attempt to inhibit and shame the curious, we get scripture quoted from (argh!) The Book of Mormon (Moroni 7, Verse 16) by the Church historians:

“But whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do evil, and believe not in Christ, and deny him, and serve not God, then ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of the devil; for after this manner doth the devil work, for he persuadeth no man to do good, no, not one; neither do his angels; neither do they who subject themselves to him.” 

This verse forms the bedrock on which the Church builds their rationalization for their moral imperative to shut down debate at all levels, as well as lie to doubters, lest the truth somehow moves them closer to the devil.  In standard Christianity it’s often referred to as “lying for Christ“.  In the secular world the expression, “The end justifes the means” can stand in for the religious verses when it is inappropriate to invoke religion in support of an immoral argument (justifying torture e.g.).  Brainwashed believers, even if they have serious doubts about what they witness with their own lying eyes, are routinely shut down with the not so subtle threat that they are risking their place in the Mormon version of Heaven by even asking pondering about it in the first place.

I should know because unlike the memories of the Mormon historical apologists, I have nearly perfect knowledge.  Under Mormon rules, I’d be in contention for serious Devilhood, except  I’m actually encouraging everyone to try to be as good as is humanly possible, not that I think it’ll be an effective defense against pissed-off Mormons whatsoever.

Questions of the Doubters

Six pages in, the Church historians having finally finished with the reading of their formal terms, conditions and disclaimers, I am ready to declare that the details of Facebook’s privacy policy are the only thing in contemporary society as Byzantine as the ground rules laid out by these Mormon apologists.  It is also the place in the PDF where the doubters finally get to ask a question, the first of which is a lobbed softball, left hanging arm’s length in the middle of the strike zone, begging to be belted out of the park by the quick reflexes of the ringers assembled by the Mormon Church Rapid Response Team.

Doubter Question: Will you have very good answers?

Church: You’ll see in a moment. We’ll have what answers we have.….(ed. full answer is 592 words)

Six hundred words to answer to a simple question? Mormon hierarchy is so accustomed to pissing down the leg of their parishioners while simultaneously proclaiming a rainstorm, I’m shocked they didn’t think to just answer with one word, “Absolutely”.

Fast Forward

There are many questions over the veracity of stories of the magic golden plates and their translations portrayed in Church doctrine (and Mormon Sunday School) that, suffice to say, clearly don’t mesh with undisputed historical facts of the era.

I’m going to focus less on the questions pointing out the obvious bogusness of the “translation” of these imaginary golden plates and more on the doubters questions concerning implementation and operations of the early church, and in particular, the licentous behavior of Joseph Smith.  In order to do so it is not enough to just be familiar with the definition of polygamy.  If only it were that easy I could just refer to Big Love and be done with it.

Invoking Editorial Privilege

From here on out, the questions come from the Swedes faster than the Church can cobble together consistent responses.  Often one questioner will toss several out at once and the Church will pounce on the low hanging fruit of the one they think is most easy to placate, ignoring the more controversial of the mix.  There may be several pages between an original (ignored) question and it’s reappearance by another questioner later in the discussion.

Therefore, I shall remix (in no particular order) from the bevy of scrambled questions and answers, being careful to “cut n’ paste” the relevant bits while attempting to keep the integrity of the overall analysis intact. After all, I’m not hiding the original document from anybody that wants to see it (I’m not Mormon after all…lol), so if someone wants to challenge me from the original text, have at it in the comments.

Enter Polyandry

Question: According to information I have read a number of times which has been published in books, etc., and which I think seem to be very firm and correct, how the wives were forced into marriage. It wasn’t so that they fell in love with Joseph and say, now I would like to be a wife. It was so that they were put under tremendous pressure to accept the marriage and they were told that the church will go under and their family will go under, you have only until, let’s say, tomorrow to decide and to marry me but it will have terrible consequences if you don’t accept the marriage.

Church response to questions about polyandry:

Church: So the question of Polyandry. Polygamy is when a man has multiple wives. . Joseph did both, so your question is about polyandry.

Let that sink in for a minute.  Undisputed polyandry. Not only was Joseph Smith snatching up every available fourteen year old girl like a latter day Warren Jeffs, he was also coercing married women into affairs.  For the record, Ann Eliza Young made the charges in a book she wrote (in 1876!) after escaping bondage from Mormonism by hightailing it out of Utah under cover of darkness.  She was Brigham Young’s 27th wife.  Her book is freely available online (copyrights have long ago expired).

Church Apologetics on Coerced Sexual Relations

Church: In the 1800’s being fourteen years old was like being thirty years old today.  On the issue of coercion, Joseph Smith was a prophet, and it’s widely accepted that prophets get to bone as many chicks as they are able.  Plus, nobody was worried about overpopulating Utah at the time. (Ok, I added the last bit, but the other stuff is accurately paraphrased).  In conclusion, the Church wants to remind everyone that polygamy is bad, bad, bad, and in our advanced society it’s an aberration to ever considering adopting the practice.

The Swedes:  Does this mean I don’t get my multiple wives in Heaven?

Church:  Don’t talk crazy.  Of course you still get to party like the Sultan of Brunei after you’re dead.  Whatever else you might think of Mormonism, we’re not barbarians.  Ferchrissakes.

There are questions about why the Mormon Church hates Black people as well as all kinds of other juicy gobbledygook for folks who enjoy the “inside baseball” aspects of the whackaloon religious world of Mormonism.  I honestly don’t have the patience to wade back through the muck and the mire to mine any more nuggets out of the cesspool.  It’s not nearly as fun as bobbing for apples.

Enjoy.

Straining For Credibility


The wobbly thinking women of Atheismplus have truly found their niche.

All the Skepchicks in their master’s chamber (at 4a.m.), still can’t kill the beast:

So she called to the Captain, “Please bring me some whine.”

He said, “We haven’t had that spirit here until you lost your minds”

And still those voices are carrying him far away.
Wakes him up in the middle of the night,
Just so they can bray:

Welcome to the Hotel Carborundum!
We’re livin’ it up at Hotel Carborundum
Are you so surprised that we tell such lies
Bashing all the guys?

Hi friends! Excuse me, but I need a moment to turn down my MPscree player so you can hear me speak a bit more clearly. OK, let’s roll.

I watched in awe and disgust at the first act in the #Atheismplus comic tragedy, the one that began over a simple cup of coffee in a faraway land not that long ago.  The stagecraft lacked direction and the subject matter was so obtuse that many in the audience could not engage in the “suspension of disbelief” necessary to enjoy such poppycock. Shorty thereafter, when a prominent foreign critic had the temerity to weigh in on the wastrel’s imagined woes, things really started to get interesting.

Unretouched

The stage for act two is now set with the lead actress secured for the sequel. The setting remains the same. Picture a lonely Irish hotel on some godforsaken sea-battered crag of land. A Dublin hotel that, not coincidentally, contains a well stocked bar within stumbling distance of the guest-room elevators. Curtain rises soon. Veteran stage critic Justin Vacula (@JustinVacula) has been tasked with the dreary assignment of witness and documentarian to the vodka-fueled banalities that the blue-haired bobble-headed bimbo is expected to bring to the fore.

In the meantime, we’ll all just have to amuse ourselves with the shit-slinging monkey that Ophelia Benson has become. Not that she is ANY different, or even marginally better at the task than her blue haired (or similarly bearded) contemporaries. One trained seal bounces a ball off it’s nose while the other one claps wildly.  Seen that movie too.

One thing is for sure. I missed a huge opportunity to make a name for myself in blogging by not focusing on the single topic most important to their audience, continual whine (not that I’d want them as followers, but just for the sake of argument). If only I’d had the foresight to focus more on the people who troll me and post negative things about me I could be infamous too! Believe it or not, cuddly as I am, there are a LOT of trolls and Timhaters out there to pick from.

It would have required some sacrifice and commitment to be sure. I would have had to spend countless hours winding through the catacombs, Googling myself for haters and then cutting and pasting all those together into semi-coherent web-posts. I’d have had to shift my focus off stuff that REALLY matters but that seems a small price when the payoff would have been much more Me, Me, Me.

On the subject of ME, I am an expert.

I could go on all day long just telling you about me, my wife’s terminal cancer, my son’s upcoming open heart surgery or the troubles my old dog Lizzy has shitting out all the cookies Granda feeds her, but as it so happens, me and @Mykeru have some mirrors that need attaching to my ceiling, so the other stuff will have to wait.

Enjoy.

The Heretics Hayride

Heretic Hayride

Here’s a spring gift that I hope my aging tech, geek, atheist, skeptic, and nimble-minded Euro-youth niches will all appreciate.  I’m pretty sure I’ll offend, applaud or confuse quite a few other niches along the way.  As always, join at your own risk. I don’t want to read or watch whiny Youtube videos about a bunch of hurt feelings when everybody laughs at you for falling off the back of the skeptic’s hay wagon.

If there isn’t enough hay to begin with, there’s a good chance I might be able to stir up a little extra along the way.  Hold the horses!! Heretic HQ just called to tell me that if there are no rules of conduct, then the ride cannot be certified by the head of the Atheistplus Action committee, the formerly estimable Dr. Richard Carrier (aka Debbie Downer).  Since this blog insists on inclusiveness and I have been accused of being something a tad south of totally gracious, here goes:

The Heretic Hayride rules of conduct are as follows:

Leave your pets at home (no #carrierpigeon allowed).  Be aware that our path crosses the known territory of a doughy looking, blue-haired Siren, as well as a cinnamon skinned fuzzy-haired monster.  DO NOT attempt to approach either one. The latter is known to have hair trigger rage issues and an incredibly acute sense of hearing. Snap a PIC, Tweet to World, Call security, write blogpost, but DON’T be foolish enough to confront either of them directly if we have the misfortune of making their encounter.  Keep your arms inside the wagon at all times and avoid loose or dangling jewelry.  Dongle type earrings are known to be specially prone to snagging.

Having to construct and conform to arbitrary rules of conduct took all the fun out of the adventure, so the ride has been officially cancelled for today.

Enjoy.

Dear Atheism Plus

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We have heard talk enough. We have listened to all the drowsy, idealess, vapid sermons that we wish to hear. We have read your blogs, and the works of your best minds. We have heard your wild claims, your solemn groans and your repetitive ad hominems. All these amount to less than nothing. We want one fact. We beg at the doors of your barricaded forums for just one little fact.

We work tirelessly, bringing together our many disparate voices to implore you for just one fact. We know all about your moldy old logic and your stale misogynist dogma.

We want a ‘this year’s fact’. We ask only one. Give us one fact for charity. Where do you store the information on all the reported rapes and assaults that you form the basis of your movement? Specifically those that have happened at atheist or skeptic events in the past five years (or forever) Call those silly rationalists crazy, but they like evidence.

Your miraculous elevator stories are too ancient. You accord the solitary witnesses with all the accolades normally reserved by the Catholic Church for a teenage girl who chats up the Virgin Mary.

The definition of “truth and veracity” in the neighborhood where you reside is wholly unknown to us. Give us a new miracle, and substantiate it by producing witnesses who still have the cheerful habit of living outside the moat of the #atheismplus castle..

We want a return to skeptic events free of the feminine winds of whine. Most of us were already aware the wine is better in first class before Becky noted it in Slate.. Nor shall you put us in the fire with the actual rapists. Do not compel us to navigate the torrid seas of your pet fears, nor to dine and drink with Rebecca Watson. We have positively lost all interest in that original little speech delivered by PZ’s donkey, a spewage so vile, Richard Dawkins grabbed a shovel.

There is also no sort of use in sending us snipe-hunting with Surly Amy, the Mother Teresa of #atheismplus. The 27.3% of me that Is female is offended that she is more concerned with the issue of fake jewelry than the more abusive societal pressures inducing many women into cosmetic surgery. Why she shows more enthusiasm in championing the issue of fake jewelry (isn’t hers “fake” by gemological standards?) above that of the trauma of needless female surgery is beyond me. Ban fake tits, not fake jewelry.

I’m not Huey Lewis. I don’t want a new drug, I want ONE police report that backs up your religious claims with more veracity than a Mormon missionary beating me over the head with Joseph Smith. At this point in time, the Scientologists have better documentation for their beliefs in Xenu than you do for violence against women at any atheist event, ever.

Enjoy.

h/t: http://whyevolutionistrue.wordpress.com/
Original Remix courtesy: http://www.infidels.org/library/historical/robert_ingersoll/gods.html