Republican Pawn Stars

Blast from the Past. The more things change the more they stay the same. From 2012. Enjoy.

The Tim Channel

Here is a tip for all of you that will help you understand the Republican plans for gutting our social security and healthcare system through the use of their “voucher” programs.  The best example I can think of for explaining their motives draws on the increasing proliferation of “pawnshop reality programming”, which is apparently a huge hit with the low information sector of the American body politic.

Like many desperate out-of-luck gamblers (laid off workers), the Republican Pawn Stars are tempting the hungry populace with what amounts to a gift certificate for a Chick-Fil-A sandwich in exchange for the worthless old antiques (life,liberty..) meticulously collected and preserved by their ancestors.

The only thing missing from the Republican Pawn Star vocabulary is the excited exhalation of an eager pawn broker, who encourages many a desperate client into a bad deal with the appeal of “CASH MONEY-HUNDRED DOLLAR BILLS!“.


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Monday Morality Mashup

Blast from the past. It’s been over a year since Shotgun Jeebus made an appearance on The Tim Channel? Fixed. Enjoy.

The Tim Channel

Oh  God

Congratulations on surviving the weekend, but if you find yourself taking a bit too much pride in that singular accomplishment you probably fall into one of these three categories.

Number One

Commode Hugging DrunkYou’ve finally collected yourself off the bathroom floor, and are overjoyed that God took your vow of future abstinence as a reason not to kill you outright (as you clung to the commode for dear life).  Good thing that God doesn’t seem to take that promise very seriously or the college death rates in the US would skyrocket.  Don’t worry if you made that promise yourself last weekend. You’ve absolutely nothing to fear.  Drink up.

Number Two

You’re a murderous death row inmate who just got a stay of execution.

Lego Stay of ExecutionNumber Three

Hell on EarthYou are deeply religious, and therefore so scared of dying and going to Heaven you’re overjoyed with every extra day that your savior allows you to exist…

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Dissing Mom

Blast from the Past (2010) Be careful when disrespecting my mama. She always told me I was special and I believed her.  Updated link to story (original URL 404) Enjoy.

The Tim Channel

Harlon Drake, a guy honoring mom and children, kills guy honoring dead fetus:

James Pouillon, an aggressive activist, was shot four times while clutching a sign with a picture of a dead fetus near Owosso High School, 30 miles west of Flint.

Assistant Prosecutor Sara Edwards said Drake’s mother, Kim Staples, expressed “growing displeasure” with Pouillon the day before the shooting because children could see his sign.

Drake also killed his mom’s ex boss:

Gravel pit owner Mike Fuoss was shot 17 times in his office just outside Owosso.  As for Fuoss, Staples was his former employee, and Drake believed he had not treated his mother well, the prosecutor said.

Drake, a trucker, was “passionate about two things: his family and his guns,” said Edwards, noting he has tattoos honoring his mother and wife.

Drake was caught before he could kill a third guy he felt had…

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Noah and the Dinosaurs Part One

Dino Ark JokeThe Religious Science division here at The Tim Channel, along with the assistance of the Non Overlapping Magisteria Department at Brigham Young University, has been hard at work trying to parse out the more difficult missing details of the young Earth creation ‘theory’ recently seen popularized in a debate between Ken Ham and Bill Nye.

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TimLife Comedy-Horror Stories

Long Road to Mow

Given the combination of cool yet sunny weather early in the day now, I usually do my stable maintenance sometime before noon. Calling it stable maintenance makes it sound more impressive that just saying I get up early to mow the grass and shovel up animal dung at the barn. Owing to the fact the sun rises here at five a.m. in the summer here, I am usually up very early, and after killing a couple hours of coffee and web surfing, I make use of these cool mornings to mow and whack weeds at the horse stables, before the hell fire heat of the day sets in.

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