I swear I am totally making this up, so don’t accuse me of hacking into classified intelligence networks or blowing kisses at Julian Assange when you read this story in the Washington Post next week.
Not Hard to See this Coming
It has just been revealed that the Pfizer Pharmaceutical Company has been purchasing marketing information from a firm found to be a front for the NSA. The company, Jericho Data Services, using the amassed raw data of millions of phone and email records collected under the XKeyscore program has been reselling that data under the guise of free enterprise marketing services.
Through judicious scanning of millions of women’s email messages, and identifying those that contained information on unsuccessful sexual encounters with older males, Jericho Data was able to amass a huge list of impotent men. This list was subsequently sold to Pfizer, who undoubtedly saw it as a marketing coup for their Viagra brand of impotency treatment pills.
Other than the day-to-day manipulation of drug prices and paying off doctors to needlessly overprescribe for profit, Pfizer is not suspected of knowing the source of the marketing list they purchased was from information gleaned through NSA channels.
The two remaining journalists left in the United States are busy trying to track down where the money from this NSA black op was being funneled, though it’s now become abundantly clear to this reporter where the NSA got the funds to outfit all agency vehicles with 22″ rims and full hydraulics.