Panic in the Trenches

The pearl clutching panic among the FTB Girlyban conspirators is still going full bore.  Not since that billionaire dick (Koch) was caught giving a fiscal reach-around to those global warming deniers, have so many loud-mouthed public blowhards been so afraid of having their insider conspiracy exposed.  The degree of anticipatory fear shown by the  #FTBullies  (that Thunderf00t might actually do the kind of document dumping that makes me proud of Bradley Manning), has me wondering if Thunderf00t is actually sitting on equally explosive information.  It is just as likely that they are freaking out because they are afraid Thunderf00t will release their secret “brownie” recipes.  It would be imprudent not to speculate.


Not enough resolution to determine if jewelry passes the Surly Amy standards of acceptable public display.

For all their over-the-top brouhaha, the FTBullies are fun to watch and mock.  It isn’t everyday that you can witness intellectual or cultural evolution of this magnitude in real time!!  We were all getting totally “mocked out” on creationists and religious apologists anyway.  Even the sight of PZ dry humping Ken Ham’s fiberglass Dino-donky was starting to fade in allure.  And then there was this:


The Bukkake Factory is considering suing her for trademark violations.

You know what I’m telling you is true because back in the old days (before BigPappa fell under the spell of the red-headed hippie chick above), we used to have real cohesive internet social gatherings.

Holy Christ on a Cracker!,how I long for the good old days when a certified sacrament of questionable moral acquisition could be openly desecrated by BigPappa to the delight of all skeptics.

I blame the presence of so many jack-booted Girlyban enforcers, heavily armed with their intimidating “douche detectors”  for harshing the mellow of the entire movement.  There isn’t enough Preparation H available on the entire planet to stem the massive output of “butthurt” being spewed by the hyper-vigilant  SHE ORG division of Girlybantology Inc.


I would be too busy spending money to blog if I had the presence of mind to go bullish on hemorrhoid cushions early last year.

In my wildest dreams, I never imagined having a front row seat to a New Century religious movement that blended (tiny) bits of rationalism, Scientology, secrecy, radical feminism, Fox TV “debating” techniques, Muslim fanaticism and hero worship; all in one fell swoop!  Given the breakaway faction’s science geek provenance, it isn’t specially shocking to see them borrowing freely from their more successful peers on the lunatic fringes.  I guess we should count our blessings that they haven’t yet tried to enforce a Klingon-Only language policy at Skepticon or TAM.  That could be a bit much to bear, as the guys are still getting used to the mandatory guyliner applications and hair braiding sessions.

I honestly do regret having to see many great men of skepticism and science slandered (Dawkins, TF, Krauss, Grothe, Hitchens, ElevatorGuy…) while simultaneously witnessing former giants of our movement toilet-hugging drunk on their power (PZ, Dillahunty).

Enjoy.

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10 thoughts on “Panic in the Trenches

    • You rightly note the broad poetic license I grant myself in collating certain facts. Because you are obviously one of the more astute of my readers, you were drawn to something that I actually gave a bit of thought about before I posted it. So here was my “logic” for Elevator Guy in that list. It kinda stands out against the backdrop of the others in a way I find compelling. He is not identified to date that I am aware of, but I am about as equally certain of his existence than I am of imaginary Jeebus, another strong reason to leave him in the list. Enjoy.

      • Let’s put it this way. Imaginary elevator guy has, like imaginary Jeebus, experienced great suffering for shouldering the many sins (real or imagined) of our misogynist brethren. I think we ought to consider replacing The Flying Spaghetti Monster with a new graphic honoring our mysterious elevator God…err…guy. Enjoy.

  1. Nobody but himself and Queen Bee know who he is or if he even exists. I think his inclusion here is a bit tongue in cheek…

    Nice piece Tim! Really does make you wonder what info TF is siting on. We may never know, but one thing I have noticed since his first “expose” was the number of hits on the FC5(6) comment sections had dramatically reduced.

  2. Excellent post. More and more people are becoming aware of the sheer awfulness of the Freethoughtblogs bullies and the skepchicks.

  3. Great post. I agree that when it comes to handling criticism of their website, Freethought Blogs acts more like a cult. More people need to rise up and proclaim, “FTB does not represent me.”

  4. “Elevator Guy-ism” may just become the new misogynistic religion if it gets more traction thanks to the girlyban movement.

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