Episode One, One World
One world is one beach? OK. Blows my expectation of seeing scantily clad foreign women competing against the best America has to offer, but what the hell. You turn the dial, you take your chances. At the end of the day, it’s another men-versus-women season. Let the Pagonging begin!!
Typical recap columns set the stage and name all the characters. Screw that. The stage is a beach and most of the players will be gone before I can remember their names anyway. Seeing how the entire flock seems to be stereotypically inept coeds and macho frat boys, what’s the harm? There’s no old people this season. It’s apparently”One World – Logan’s Run” edition. While I’m bitching about casting, can I have somebody besides the (always humorous and extremely lovable) Nancy-boys to root for (and yes, I saw the
midget little person). Now that the lovable flaming homosexual has a hidden immunity idol, I wonder if we’ll get to see his demonic side, ala Cochran from last season?
That said, thank goodness we don’t have any uptight righteous bible-thumpers on this year. Last year’s season – Coach’s Jesuit Revival, was hard to watch, what with the memories of Jonestown still floating about in my head. Don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t a total waste. Seeing that young Hantz boy struggling between the good book and his masturbatory fantasies of all the girls was something for the ages.
But I digress. It’s One World time. And in the sixtieth season of Survivor nothing has really changed. Not one woman can either build or maintain (stolen ember) a fire. Commenting after negotiating with the men to build them a fire, one girl says, “They built us a better fire pit than we could have done”. Note to girl: It’s a hole in the ground not rocket science. WTF?
On to the immunity challenge. Cute ironic hippie chick breaks her wrist in the first jump on the first challenge of the new season. Advantage guys. Of course we weren’t spared the spectacle of women’s tribal council, which resembled an episode of The View more than any in recent memory. Once the girls quit mud wrestling each other, Probst lets them know that ironic hippie chick is out. He chides them for their incompetence and we fade to black.