To Hell In A Handbasket

This entire affair has local residents extremely nervous about the remaining debt on the recently completed road repairs. Be on the lookout for the upcoming episode of Lizard Lick Towing, or Operation Repo, where either Ron and Bobby, or Matt and Froy, will be sneaking up on the South Street bridge with a really big repo truck.

On the plus side, flashlight and gun sales are set to reach record highs in the area. Acclaimed scientists from the Climate Change Denial Center, note that given enough time, local residents will likely evolve the ability to see in the dark, a net gain for the neighborhood. Medical experts are already hard at work trying to isolate the specific gene allowing for echo location in bats. Employees at Monsanto and other biotechnology firms are giddy with the potential windfall profits to be made with such research, even as the lengthening shadows of darkness fall across America. But hey, if it all goes to shit, the last person out of town won’t even have to worry about turning off the lights!


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