The Heretics Hayride

Here’s a spring gift that I hope my aging tech, geek, atheist, skeptic, and nimble-minded Euro-youth niches will all appreciate.  I’m pretty sure I’ll offend, applaud or confuse quite a few other niches along the way.  As always, join at your own risk. I don’t want to read or watch whiny Youtube videos about a bunch of hurt feelings when everybody laughs at you for falling off the back of the skeptic’s hay wagon.

If there isn’t enough hay to begin with, there’s a good chance I might be able to stir up a little extra along the way.  Hold the horses!! Heretic HQ just called to tell me that if there are no rules of conduct, then the ride cannot be certified by the head of the Atheistplus Action committee, the formerly estimable Dr. Richard Carrier (aka Debbie Downer).  Since this blog insists on inclusiveness and I have been accused of being something a tad south of totally gracious, here goes:

The Heretic Hayride rules of conduct are as follows:

Leave your pets at home (no #carrierpigeon allowed).  Be aware that our path crosses the known territory of a doughy looking, blue-haired Siren, as well as a cinnamon skinned fuzzy-haired monster.  DO NOT attempt to approach either one. The latter is known to have hair trigger rage issues and an incredibly acute sense of hearing. Snap a PIC, Tweet to World, Call security, write blogpost, but DON’T be foolish enough to confront either of them directly if we have the misfortune of making their encounter.  Keep your arms inside the wagon at all times and avoid loose or dangling jewelry.  Dongle type earrings are known to be specially prone to snagging.

Having to construct and conform to arbitrary rules of conduct took all the fun out of the adventure, so the ride has been officially cancelled for today.

Enjoy.

Dear Atheism Plus

We have heard talk enough. We have listened to all the drowsy, idealess, vapid sermons that we wish to hear. We have read your blogs, and the works of your best minds. We have heard your wild claims, your solemn groans and your repetitive ad hominems. All these amount to less than nothing. We want one fact. We beg at the doors of your barricaded forums for just one little fact.

We work tirelessly, bringing together our many disparate voices to implore you for just one fact. We know all about your moldy old logic and your stale misogynist dogma.

We want a ‘this year’s fact’. We ask only one. Give us one fact for charity. Where do you store the information on all the reported rapes and assaults that you form the basis of your movement? Specifically those that have happened at atheist or skeptic events in the past five years (or forever) Call those silly rationalists crazy, but they like evidence.

Your miraculous elevator stories are too ancient. You accord the solitary witnesses with all the accolades normally reserved by the Catholic Church for a teenage girl who chats up the Virgin Mary.

The definition of “truth and veracity” in the neighborhood where you reside is wholly unknown to us. Give us a new miracle, and substantiate it by producing witnesses who still have the cheerful habit of living outside the moat of the #atheismplus castle..

We want a return to skeptic events free of the feminine winds of whine. Most of us were already aware the wine is better in first class before Becky noted it in Slate.. Nor shall you put us in the fire with the actual rapists. Do not compel us to navigate the torrid seas of your pet fears, nor to dine and drink with Rebecca Watson. We have positively lost all interest in that original little speech delivered by PZ’s donkey, a spewage so vile, Richard Dawkins grabbed a shovel.

There is also no sort of use in sending us snipe-hunting with Surly Amy, the Mother Teresa of #atheismplus. The 27.3% of me that Is female is offended that she is more concerned with the issue of fake jewelry than the more abusive societal pressures inducing many women into cosmetic surgery. Why she shows more enthusiasm in championing the issue of fake jewelry (isn’t hers “fake” by gemological standards?) above that of the trauma of needless female surgery is beyond me. Ban fake tits, not fake jewelry.

I’m not Huey Lewis. I don’t want a new drug, I want ONE police report that backs up your religious claims with more veracity than a Mormon missionary beating me over the head with Joseph Smith. At this point in time, the Scientologists have better documentation for their beliefs in Xenu than you do for violence against women at any atheist event, ever.

Enjoy.

h/t: http://whyevolutionistrue.wordpress.com/
Original Remix courtesy: http://www.infidels.org/library/historical/robert_ingersoll/gods.html

Girlyban Bingo

Recently updated to include information on Al Stefanelli fall from grace change of mind concerning the Girlyban contingent takeover of FTB.

Cranking out content faster than Paul and Mitt can grab your granny’s social security check is a specialty of mine. and in that regard, I have a genuine treat for you today!

The Tim Channel’s open source gaming division is proud to announce the release of Thunderf00t “Unlimited Edition” Girlyban Bingo!

If it is even half as popular as The Tim Channel optical science division release of a free downloadable Iphone Flashlight App in 2010, then the limits of the internet backbone are about to be stress tested fer reals!  The BEST part?  You don’t even have to IMAGINE “hacking” into a semi-secure private LIST-SERVE to get it!!

Select your favorite “Thunderfoot Banned” post from among the following Girlyban FTBullies bloggers (or pick one of you own special favorites!)  The posts I offer below simply save you some Google time, and offer a representative sample.:

Ed Brayton’s outrage. I never met the guy, but he shares the name of one of my favorite talking television horses. There is also the uncanny “likeness factor” which makes it an even easier meme to remember (my apologies to horses everywhere).  It would have better for Mr Ed B if he would have even pretended to speak out the same end as the Mr. Ed from TV.

That was then:

Al Stefanelli’s screed.  Again, somebody I am quite unfamiliar with, though reading his bio, it is clear that his recent foray away from skeptical writing and into the world of fiction has had consequences beyond those of his control.  Another highly plausible explanation for Big Al’s “Thunderf00t HaterAde Jam Session”  is jealousy over Thunderf00ts magnificent good looks.  Mr. Stefanelli definitely has a face made for radio.  Also, would somebody buy these guys a razor?  I am beginning to see a trend.

This is now:

Jen McCreight’s rant.  I was kinda aware of her existence before the formal introduction and forced insertion of  Girlyban “tech” into the Skeptic movement. One of the more prominent of the whacko Girlyban contingent, she is well received within the group, notwithstanding her total lack of facial hair (only her hairdresser knows for sure).

Zinnia Jones take on the need for “back-channel” private communications, a topic that she likely came to know through true life experiences..  Totally unknown to me before “MailingListGate”, she bills herself as the Queen of Atheism, but doesn’t say if that was before or after the sex change.  To save her needless extra grief, I will truncate her bio with the observation that mixing an interest in trans-humanism with a love for pet rats is a recipe for disaster.  In a recent issue of Law Enforcement Daily, this profile photo of her was voted “most likely to be confused as a mug shot”.  You may find her “The assumed primacy of penis-in-vagina sex” on Youtube explains more than you want to know.  “Simulacrum” makes a cameo appearance in there somewhere.  So much win!

Each player needs their own copy of the selected text to use as their own “key” to the game.  All players use the same text.  Texts can be changed between rounds.  All players are required to start at the top of the selected FTB text, making off (on both FTB text and the official Girlyban Bingo Card, the words that match the Bingo squares.Your official Girlyban Bingo playing sheet – Thunderf00t edition. (click for full size version)

You may simply mark out the squares with a pen or pencil, or you can print out the official Girlyban Bingo Cover Buttons to use instead.  Right about now I wish I still had access to an office laminating machine that I could hack into.

Game play is based on regular bingo, but in place of bingo balls, you will be checking off bingo squares in response to seeing the words in the boxes.  Everybody plays from the same text and marks the words on the text as they cover the associated word on the Girlyban Bingo card.  First person to get a row, column, or horizontal line completed shouts “LOGIC” instead of Bingo.  Winners Girlyban Bingo card can be checked against the players printed text to see that they actually located all the correct winning words.  Prize for winners is up to player discretion.

The use of alcohol based intoxicants during game play is not only legal, but encouraged.  Think of it as an internal douche to help stave off the inevitable Girlyban butthurt of wading though all those FTBullie posts.

Enjoy.

Panic in the Trenches

The pearl clutching panic among the FTB Girlyban conspirators is still going full bore.  Not since that billionaire dick (Koch) was caught giving a fiscal reach-around to those global warming deniers, have so many loud-mouthed public blowhards been so afraid of having their insider conspiracy exposed.  The degree of anticipatory fear shown by the  #FTBullies  (that Thunderf00t might actually do the kind of document dumping that makes me proud of Bradley Manning), has me wondering if Thunderf00t is actually sitting on equally explosive information.  It is just as likely that they are freaking out because they are afraid Thunderf00t will release their secret “brownie” recipes.  It would be imprudent not to speculate.

Not enough resolution to determine if jewelry passes the Surly Amy standards of acceptable public display.

For all their over-the-top brouhaha, the FTBullies are fun to watch and mock.  It isn’t everyday that you can witness intellectual or cultural evolution of this magnitude in real time!!  We were all getting totally “mocked out” on creationists and religious apologists anyway.  Even the sight of PZ dry humping Ken Ham’s fiberglass Dino-donky was starting to fade in allure.  And then there was this:

The Bukkake Factory is considering suing her for trademark violations.

You know what I’m telling you is true because back in the old days (before BigPappa fell under the spell of the red-headed hippie chick above), we used to have real cohesive internet social gatherings.

Holy Christ on a Cracker!,how I long for the good old days when a certified sacrament of questionable moral acquisition could be openly desecrated by BigPappa to the delight of all skeptics.

I blame the presence of so many jack-booted Girlyban enforcers, heavily armed with their intimidating “douche detectors”  for harshing the mellow of the entire movement.  There isn’t enough Preparation H available on the entire planet to stem the massive output of “butthurt” being spewed by the hyper-vigilant  SHE ORG division of Girlybantology Inc.

I would be too busy spending money to blog if I had the presence of mind to go bullish on hemorrhoid cushions early last year.

In my wildest dreams, I never imagined having a front row seat to a New Century religious movement that blended (tiny) bits of rationalism, Scientology, secrecy, radical feminism, Fox TV “debating” techniques, Muslim fanaticism and hero worship; all in one fell swoop!  Given the breakaway faction’s science geek provenance, it isn’t specially shocking to see them borrowing freely from their more successful peers on the lunatic fringes.  I guess we should count our blessings that they haven’t yet tried to enforce a Klingon-Only language policy at Skepticon or TAM.  That could be a bit much to bear, as the guys are still getting used to the mandatory guyliner applications and hair braiding sessions.

I honestly do regret having to see many great men of skepticism and science slandered (Dawkins, TF, Krauss, Grothe, Hitchens, ElevatorGuy…) while simultaneously witnessing former giants of our movement toilet-hugging drunk on their power (PZ, Dillahunty).

Enjoy.

Truth Being Raped

I suffered through this Girlyban Gasbagger’s hour long wank-fest because, as an unofficial member of the super secret Atheist CIA, I feel I have a responsibility to shoulder even the most obnoxious missions on behalf of our (dis)organization.   If you are wondering, but don’t have time for the video, I have the answer to the question I know most of you are curious about, and the answer is YES! YES! YES!  Did you really think Rebecca Watson could participate in this conversation WITHOUT mentioning her USA TODAY exposure?  Maybe Oprah will call her next?

People often come to me for my opinions on issues because I have a better than average ability for seeing through bullshit.  I was doing drive-time radio in Jackson MS when Bush was throwing all that WMD bullshit against the wall. CALLED BUSH A LIAR on the air and right FROM THE START.  My volunteer unpaid radio gig was only allowed to continue (unlike say Bill Mahr) because the rightwing station owners favored profits (from my “controversial” style and lack of remuneration) over knee-jerk patriotism.  But I digress.

I called bullshit on Skepchick when she went “100% Girlyban gasbag” on Richard Dawkins for his accurate early assessments concerning the nakedness of said Empress. There was an associated and coordinated Girlyban assault on Lawrence Krauss at that time, for his “failure” to presume guilt before trial that was particularly hard to stomach.

I wrote a bit of excellent satire on the matter back during the nostalgic days of Elevator Guy.  I foolishly thought that FACTS would quickly be brought out and the feminist usurpers of skepticism wouldn’t be allowed to continue derailing and sniping FROM WITHIN prominent perches of the organization.  They might have been properly marginalized back then, if not for the support of an obviously aging (and increasingly deranged-syphilis?) PZ Myers.

The cognitive dissonance so many of us are having to deal with right now in trying to square the circle in finding a rationale for PZ to continue faithfully following Brother John Birch Skepchick is difficult to witness.

I would be lying if I told you that I would ever have imagined a day when so many of us are left scratching our heads and thinking, “What the fuck happened to PZ?”   The only guy in recent history I can remember who garnered such negative press within the skeptic community is some unidentified male with a penchant for coffee who happened to cross paths with Rebecca Watson in a hotel elevator (after she pried her drunken ass out of the hotel bar and staggered off to her room at 4a.m.).  That poor (imagined?) bastard at the elevator didn’t sign up for the abuse he got, but that definitely isn’t the case with PZ Myers these days.  One of the links above leads to a theory that PZ is being blackmailed by Watson because PZ is the unidentified creepy elevator guy!!  Dam if it doesn’t make more sense than the crap PZ is spewing these days!!

Creepy Elevator Guy’s imagined physical rape by Girlyban leader Rebecca Watson is much less obnoxious to my soul than the reality of PZ Myers continuing to try to intellectually mind rape us all (while simultaneously trying to make us (like Sarah Palin) pay for our own rape kits).

Enjoy.